This trip to Italy is a direct result of months worth of prayer. I prayed that as I searched for a job and/or a location that God would open and close doors as he saw fit. I prayed that if I was supposed to receive the honor of the Fulbright Scholarship that He would slam all other doors/locations in my face, and He did. The New York City door slammed so hard I cried a few times and was on the verge of breaking down. Then, I prayed that if I was supposed to stay in Birmingham, that I would become accepting of this (because Birmingham is NOT my city...New York is MYYY city). As I continued to apply to jobs I searched in NYC, Birmingham, Tuscaloosa, Charleston, Nashville, and a few other places. My heart never felt at peace with any of these options. I had a few doors open just enough for me to put one foot through them, and then they would slam on my toes, but every time it did the pain was immediately stripped away and replaced by a sense of peace that definitely surpassed all of my understanding.
On April 23rd, the reasoning for all of this was revealed. Italy, and the Fulbright Scholarship, were indeed the door that was meant to open. For the first time in my life I had learned to let go and truly let God open and close doors as He wanted to, and I had to try not to force my way through, which I so often try to do (I am type-A...I just can't help myself sometimes). I have harbored a desire for many, many years to travel and see Europe and live abroad and do it with a sense of security and some sort of job. I had friends always trying to convince me to just up and do it...to spend all of my savings and just hop a plane and say, "to heck with the rest of my life and school and savings and security!" Now, this is not me! Only now, that I have truly given my life over to God and allowed Him to be in control am I seeing how this is a possibility.
Just today I read a blog about being careful what you ask for and that in the end we can ask for our hearts desire and God always knows what is best for us. If He grants us our hearts desire it means a few things:
1. He already had it in His plan/desire/will
2. Our wants/desires/needs are now aligning with His plan/desire/will for our lives
How lucky am I that God is allowing this opportunity?!?!? Will every day of these 9 months be a walk in the park? Will I have a cushiony job/living situation/money situation/social life or easy access to a group of fellow believers?!?!? I honestly do not know; what I DO know is that every step of the way He will be with me and He will use this trip for my good, His will and glory, and I will come out of this experience a stronger, more healed, more faithful believer than before.
However, I will not pretend that I am not already having fears and anxieties (which I struggle with daily and give them to the Lord because I cannot ease them). I pray for many things and now, I am going to ask that anyone reading this will join me in these prayers. Just as it was in November, I will be praying daily(hourly) for many things and I just want to ask that anyone who will, join me (and of course, feel free to share your own needed prayers and I will be happy to pray for you!!). It is a long list, but please understand that it is just a list of all the things I am concerned about/having anxiety about/might need/do need, etc.
Prayer List:
1. That I will continue to practice patience in waiting. Waiting for information; waiting for the ability to plan things (flight, visa, housing, community involvement, etc).
2. That I will be able to accomplish ALL of the things on my preparation to-do list.
3. Absorption of knowledge: the Italian language (which I spend multiple hours a day studying), Italian history, information about adolescents, American history/culture/politics (bleh), etc.
4. That I will find the strength to say goodbye (well, see you later...not soon really, but later). This feels as though it is going to kill me.
5. That my remaining weeks here in the U.S. will go by slowly and be filled with joy, love, happiness, fun, etc.
6. That I will be able to say goodbye to my dog...this seems so silly, but it breaks my heart to know that he will not understand where I have gone and why I left him!
7. That I will have a safe flight to Italy (God was so good last time and gave me COMPLETE peace during the long flight and I KNOW it was due to my prayers and all of the people praying for me during that time!).
8. That upon my arrival I will find my way safely to Cosenza.
9. That I will find myself able to speak Italian with the locals and not stress about not being perfect in the language
10. That God will open doors for amazing opportunities (Reggio Emilia, etc); for opportunities that will prepare me for the future after Italy!
11. That God will open doors for finding a group of Christian friends to spend time with
12. That loneliness will NOT be something that plagues me daily
13. That I will find daily opportunities to share my faith and strengthen my faith
14. That the pain of missing my family/friends/animals will be eased.
15. That internet will be readily available (seems silly, but it is so important to me)
16. That communication with my family/friends comes easily
17. That my momma and daddy are comforted in my absence
18. That God will use me, my blog, my experiences, and my faith to reach others
19. That I will remember that God has gone before me and He will go with me.
20. I know my needs will be taken care of (from the BIG things, to the small, seemingly insignificant things), but my prayer is that I will be patient in the waiting; that I will remember that I am not alone and that through any "suffering/pain/happiness/joy/difficulties" in my life, God will sustain me and use it for His glory!
21. I tend to be an anxious person...I am praying that God will ease the anxiety and that He will comfort me minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day, and even month to month!
22. My momma
23. My daddy
24. That I will not find distance between me and the people that I cherish the most; I pray that this experience will only draw us closer and help us find other ways to connect. I am a "quality time" (plug for "The Five Languages of Love") person and the thought of not being able to readily spend time with/text/talk on the phone with the people I love the most is SCARY!!
I do not necessarily need to know who reads this and who is praying, but I do need everyone to know that I appreciate your prayers; I appreciate prayers for the smallest things. I know that this is where God has lead me, but it still comes with humanly fears/anxieties.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Sunday, July 1, 2012
1 year
One year from now I will be finished with my Fulbright experience. Well, I will be finished with actually living in ,because from what I understand you can stay involved with Fulbright stuff for many years to come. Anyway, that is not the point. My Fulbright Program ends on June 30, 2013. I know that this is a weird thing to think about, but I think of these things; those that know me well, know that dates stick in my mind (sometimes not a good thing...). So this leaves me wondering a few things:
1. Who will I be one year from now?
2. How will I have changed (hopefully all for the better)?
3. Will I walk away feeling as though this was the most amazing experience ever?
4. How will God have worked in my life?
5. How will He have worked in the lives of the people I met/interacted with?
6. How will He have worked in the lives of my friends and family and others who read my blog?
7. What will I do next (not thinking about this one too much because I am trying to just live in the moment and cherish the direction/gift God has given me)?
8. Will I return to the U.S. and move to NYC?
9. Will I get one of the things my heart most desires...to live in the same city/veeeeerrry close to my best friend, Erin???
10. Will my friends have forgotten me?
11. Who will be here waiting on my when I return?
12. Will all of the people I love and cherish still be a part of my life the way I long for them to be (i.e. my Tuscaloosa loves, my NYC loves, etc)???
13. Will Alabama have another National Championship by the time I return? (admit it, you are wondering too!!!)
14. Will I have a clearer sense of what it is I am doing with my education/passions/desires/dreams?
15. Will my friends still love and miss me, or will they have grown so accustomed to me being away that it will not matter?
16. Will I have gotten to visit/experience Reggio Emilia or an Italian Montessori school?
17. Will I be longing for more adventure or will I want to stay closer to home?
18. How will it feel to return home/to the U.S.??
19. How will the people I left here in the U.S. have changed??
20. Will all of my friends still love me and accept whoever I have become/how I may have changed, and will they recognize that I love them more than anything, no matter how long I have been gone?
Now, I just played an emotional game of 20 questions. The good news is that God has gone before me and He will go with me. These are not things I am getting all worked up about; just things I have thought about. I do know that things change, people change, and inevitably, change is part of life. Thankfully, I have a faithful and loving Father who gives me hope and peace.
The other good news is that when I love, I love deeply and I do not let go easily! So, while others may struggle with maintaining contact, I am NOT letting go until it has been proven to me that I must. Thanks to the truest friend I have ever had, I have learned a lot about what it means to love another person (in the ways that the Bible says we should love...1 Corin, etc) and what true friendship looks and feels like. Therefore, I have confidence that I can maintain relationships with those that are closest to my heart.
God has a plan, and I do not always know what it is (okay, I dont know most of the time). What I do know is that He has revealed to me that the next step in this plan is 9 months in Italy. So, whatever happens and whoever I become, I pray that I have followed His will the entire time, and that I have become who He wants me to be and have done the things He wants me to have done.
**Disclaimer: I have no questions about whether my parents will love me during this time and upon my return! I am also 1000000% confident that I will maintain contact with them. I just did not want anyone to think that I am not thinking of them!!**
1. Who will I be one year from now?
2. How will I have changed (hopefully all for the better)?
3. Will I walk away feeling as though this was the most amazing experience ever?
4. How will God have worked in my life?
5. How will He have worked in the lives of the people I met/interacted with?
6. How will He have worked in the lives of my friends and family and others who read my blog?
7. What will I do next (not thinking about this one too much because I am trying to just live in the moment and cherish the direction/gift God has given me)?
8. Will I return to the U.S. and move to NYC?
9. Will I get one of the things my heart most desires...to live in the same city/veeeeerrry close to my best friend, Erin???
10. Will my friends have forgotten me?
11. Who will be here waiting on my when I return?
12. Will all of the people I love and cherish still be a part of my life the way I long for them to be (i.e. my Tuscaloosa loves, my NYC loves, etc)???
13. Will Alabama have another National Championship by the time I return? (admit it, you are wondering too!!!)
14. Will I have a clearer sense of what it is I am doing with my education/passions/desires/dreams?
15. Will my friends still love and miss me, or will they have grown so accustomed to me being away that it will not matter?
16. Will I have gotten to visit/experience Reggio Emilia or an Italian Montessori school?
17. Will I be longing for more adventure or will I want to stay closer to home?
18. How will it feel to return home/to the U.S.??
19. How will the people I left here in the U.S. have changed??
20. Will all of my friends still love me and accept whoever I have become/how I may have changed, and will they recognize that I love them more than anything, no matter how long I have been gone?
Now, I just played an emotional game of 20 questions. The good news is that God has gone before me and He will go with me. These are not things I am getting all worked up about; just things I have thought about. I do know that things change, people change, and inevitably, change is part of life. Thankfully, I have a faithful and loving Father who gives me hope and peace.
The other good news is that when I love, I love deeply and I do not let go easily! So, while others may struggle with maintaining contact, I am NOT letting go until it has been proven to me that I must. Thanks to the truest friend I have ever had, I have learned a lot about what it means to love another person (in the ways that the Bible says we should love...1 Corin, etc) and what true friendship looks and feels like. Therefore, I have confidence that I can maintain relationships with those that are closest to my heart.
God has a plan, and I do not always know what it is (okay, I dont know most of the time). What I do know is that He has revealed to me that the next step in this plan is 9 months in Italy. So, whatever happens and whoever I become, I pray that I have followed His will the entire time, and that I have become who He wants me to be and have done the things He wants me to have done.
**Disclaimer: I have no questions about whether my parents will love me during this time and upon my return! I am also 1000000% confident that I will maintain contact with them. I just did not want anyone to think that I am not thinking of them!!**
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Anxiety and Attacks
The test of patience is never ending and these past few days have brought challenges not only in regards to patience, but challenges related to my anxious tendencies.
First, I have been becoming fearful of being alone in Italy. I do not want to feel alone; I do not want to sit in an empty apartment or room or house feeling a thousand miles away from anyone and everyone that I love. If you know me, and I am assuming that if you are reading this you do, you know that when I love, I love deeply. If I love you, I do not let go and I enjoy being in your presence (I am a quality time person...plug: if you've never taken the 5 Languages of Love test...DO IT!!). Therefore, one of my greatest "fears" is not being surrounded by people that I love. Italy will test this in a MAJOR way. However, it is most likely God's way of having me rely solely on Him and His way of reminding me that I am never alone because He is ALWAYS with me! I do not make friends easily, as I can be shy and reserved. I also do not just go along with what everyone else wants to do (drink, party, find guys, etc. etc.) and therefore, that can make it more difficult to find close friends. I am constantly praying that the Lord will help me find like-minded people while I am in Italy, and that He will show me opportunities to find other Christians and/or people who are open to my faith and values.
Then, the other night my mom and I ran into a person who held such a special place in my heart when I was younger; Amanda Burkowski. Amanda was the big sister I never had, and sometimes wanted (I say sometimes because I really am okay with being an only child)!! No really, Amanda was so, so, so special to me. She was a lifeguard at Irondale Swim & Tennis when I was younger and my mom would drop me off at the pool for hours during the day and I would hang out with Amanda and the other lifeguards. She taught all of my swimming lessons and taught me to dive and do a back dive and was just so sweet and good to me! I heard someone call my name in Wal-Mart the other night and omg if it wasn't Amanda. Apparently, Amanda is in the National Guard and has been called to go to Afghanistan. I could tell she was anxious and afraid. I left the conversation with Amanda feeling very guilty that I am sitting here with fears of Italy. Italy...where it is not a war zone and I will not be driving the trucks that transport the soldiers and I will not have to live in constant fear of a gun or an IED (that's the right letters???). I want to pray for Amanda and I will get her contact information and write her while she is there. I cannot imagine packing to leave for war...I cannot imagine that goodbye. Life has a way of putting things in perspective, and this did it for me!
Now, fear is still attacking me, but really, I am so fortunate that I am going to a place where my job is to teach and learn. So, for those who read this, please, please, please pray for Amanda; I know I will be. I do not know if Amanda loves Jesus, but I will be praying for her and praying that she does know Him and does love Him. Fear and anxiety have been attacking me in other ways too, but those are not for this blog. I will just say that it has been hard to breathe the past few days.
Today: today as I was at the library I decided to google information about the Fulbright and I came across this handbook that would have been FABULOUS to know about two months ago when I received my acceptance letter. Information about travel and visas and money and housing and just on and on. Of course my BIGGEST frustration was that I had to find this on my own! Thank you Lord for allowing me to find it today and not a month from now! God works in mysterious ways and He knows that I need time...time to adjust to things and time to plan for things! I had a meltdown in the library...crying...praying...begging for peace...and you know what....the Holy Spirit reminded me of my life verse (and it is MY life verse for a reason): Do not be afraid for I am with you. Do not be discouraged for I am your God. I will strengthen and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:10. I felt better, and I went to the bathroom to calm down and was reminded of the section in Matthew about worry where Jesus says that we should not worry about tomorrow because today has enough troubles of its own and that he takes care of the lilies in the field, so of course He will take care of us (very loosely translated). God is so good to remind me of His word when I am in need!
As I write, I am texting a friend and this friend made me realize that I am always looking for results in something and often forgetting about what I am learning in the process. I went through this for two years...searching for the end point of healing and not always seeing what I was gaining in the process. Even now, with relearning/expanding my Italian, I am so focused on "am I getting it all and when will I see the results", but in the process I am becoming disciplined in my studies, practicing my time management skills, learning to rely on the Lord, and much more! Same friend just shared some wise words, "handle what you can and remember, God gave you this opportunity, the details have been worked out and through patience, He will show you everything!" As I kept telling myself and Erin today, "God has gone before me and He will go with me!!!"
The devil is attacking me, but I will not let him because the war has already been won! He can attack me all he wants, but as Brother Billy said once, "I've read the end of the story...I cheated and turned to the end of the book...WE WIN!!" (again, loosely translated).
**Today was made GREAT by the fact that I got to spend a good (great) amount of time on the phone with Erin and April...always a happy thing!!! And my momma made amazing homemade chicken pot pie and we all ate dinner together!! :) I cherish the good and happy things!!**
First, I have been becoming fearful of being alone in Italy. I do not want to feel alone; I do not want to sit in an empty apartment or room or house feeling a thousand miles away from anyone and everyone that I love. If you know me, and I am assuming that if you are reading this you do, you know that when I love, I love deeply. If I love you, I do not let go and I enjoy being in your presence (I am a quality time person...plug: if you've never taken the 5 Languages of Love test...DO IT!!). Therefore, one of my greatest "fears" is not being surrounded by people that I love. Italy will test this in a MAJOR way. However, it is most likely God's way of having me rely solely on Him and His way of reminding me that I am never alone because He is ALWAYS with me! I do not make friends easily, as I can be shy and reserved. I also do not just go along with what everyone else wants to do (drink, party, find guys, etc. etc.) and therefore, that can make it more difficult to find close friends. I am constantly praying that the Lord will help me find like-minded people while I am in Italy, and that He will show me opportunities to find other Christians and/or people who are open to my faith and values.
Then, the other night my mom and I ran into a person who held such a special place in my heart when I was younger; Amanda Burkowski. Amanda was the big sister I never had, and sometimes wanted (I say sometimes because I really am okay with being an only child)!! No really, Amanda was so, so, so special to me. She was a lifeguard at Irondale Swim & Tennis when I was younger and my mom would drop me off at the pool for hours during the day and I would hang out with Amanda and the other lifeguards. She taught all of my swimming lessons and taught me to dive and do a back dive and was just so sweet and good to me! I heard someone call my name in Wal-Mart the other night and omg if it wasn't Amanda. Apparently, Amanda is in the National Guard and has been called to go to Afghanistan. I could tell she was anxious and afraid. I left the conversation with Amanda feeling very guilty that I am sitting here with fears of Italy. Italy...where it is not a war zone and I will not be driving the trucks that transport the soldiers and I will not have to live in constant fear of a gun or an IED (that's the right letters???). I want to pray for Amanda and I will get her contact information and write her while she is there. I cannot imagine packing to leave for war...I cannot imagine that goodbye. Life has a way of putting things in perspective, and this did it for me!
Now, fear is still attacking me, but really, I am so fortunate that I am going to a place where my job is to teach and learn. So, for those who read this, please, please, please pray for Amanda; I know I will be. I do not know if Amanda loves Jesus, but I will be praying for her and praying that she does know Him and does love Him. Fear and anxiety have been attacking me in other ways too, but those are not for this blog. I will just say that it has been hard to breathe the past few days.
Today: today as I was at the library I decided to google information about the Fulbright and I came across this handbook that would have been FABULOUS to know about two months ago when I received my acceptance letter. Information about travel and visas and money and housing and just on and on. Of course my BIGGEST frustration was that I had to find this on my own! Thank you Lord for allowing me to find it today and not a month from now! God works in mysterious ways and He knows that I need time...time to adjust to things and time to plan for things! I had a meltdown in the library...crying...praying...begging for peace...and you know what....the Holy Spirit reminded me of my life verse (and it is MY life verse for a reason): Do not be afraid for I am with you. Do not be discouraged for I am your God. I will strengthen and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:10. I felt better, and I went to the bathroom to calm down and was reminded of the section in Matthew about worry where Jesus says that we should not worry about tomorrow because today has enough troubles of its own and that he takes care of the lilies in the field, so of course He will take care of us (very loosely translated). God is so good to remind me of His word when I am in need!
As I write, I am texting a friend and this friend made me realize that I am always looking for results in something and often forgetting about what I am learning in the process. I went through this for two years...searching for the end point of healing and not always seeing what I was gaining in the process. Even now, with relearning/expanding my Italian, I am so focused on "am I getting it all and when will I see the results", but in the process I am becoming disciplined in my studies, practicing my time management skills, learning to rely on the Lord, and much more! Same friend just shared some wise words, "handle what you can and remember, God gave you this opportunity, the details have been worked out and through patience, He will show you everything!" As I kept telling myself and Erin today, "God has gone before me and He will go with me!!!"
The devil is attacking me, but I will not let him because the war has already been won! He can attack me all he wants, but as Brother Billy said once, "I've read the end of the story...I cheated and turned to the end of the book...WE WIN!!" (again, loosely translated).
**Today was made GREAT by the fact that I got to spend a good (great) amount of time on the phone with Erin and April...always a happy thing!!! And my momma made amazing homemade chicken pot pie and we all ate dinner together!! :) I cherish the good and happy things!!**
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Cosenza, Italy
Well, this morning when I woke up, I had an email...one regarding where I will be living. As with the previous big email from them, I was pretty calm. However, this time I did have an excitement fluttering through my heart. When I opened the email, on my phone of course, I had NO IDEA where Cosenza, Italy was. So I jumped to get my computer and then I somehow marked the email as important or something and it disappeared from my inbox and that about gave me a heart attack! :/
Once my computer was turned on and I could pull up google I found it. It is in the southern part of Italy...in the toe of the boot pretty much! I was excited and tried to tell my momma, but she was not answering her desk phone, so I ran to tell my daddy! Then finally as I was making my oatmeal (something I am sure I will be taking with me...at least a little bit), my momma called and I told her and we immediately started searching for where it was, information about it, and is there a train station in the city. I do not know much about the area yet, but I am looking. It does seem like it will be easy to visit Greece and of coursed the southern areas of Italy. The only thing I am concerned about it people coming to visit. I am going to be pretty far away from the touristy places like Rome, Florence, Venice, etc.
God is so good and in my patience He has given me time to adjust to the idea of Italy and now I have a location. Now, let some of the dreaming and fantasizing about travel begin. The fact that it is a smaller town may make it hard to find a group of Christians to have Bible study with, etc. may be hard, but there is a University there, so maybe?!?!?! We'll see. God has gone before me and He will go with me.
What I am seeing is that it will be a little more expensive than I'd hoped to get around Europe. THere is only a tiny airport even remotely nearby and the trains to Rome and such are a little more expensive than I'd thought...and time consuming!! It also appears as though I will need to rent a car every now and then to get around southern Italy and see some things. Hopefully I can figure out the bus system though!!
I found this quote just now in an essay by John Steinbeck about his trip to Positano, Italy (yes, the city where the woman in Under the Tuscan Sun goes to visit her Marcello and finds that he has moved on)!I think this quote is SOOOO true:
Now an American living long abroad may become completely expatriate. He may speak foreign, think foreign, eat foreign, but let Christmas or Fourth of July or Thanksgiving come around and something begins to squirm inside him and he finds he has to do something about it. -John Steinbeck
I just looked at Cosenza with google maps and the little man that you can put on the streets and I went to one of the bridges and the picture that came up brought tears to my eyes! It was so beautiful!!!
Found this on a website: Italy has more than its share of beaches. The best, arguably, are found in the Calabria region (that’s the toe of this boot-shaped country). The mild, dry weather, warm waters, and exotic seaside landscapes draw visitors from around the world. This is also a favorite spot for vacationing Italians. The spicy cuisine, high-quality local wines, and laid back population make this coastal area attractive for more than its beaches.
I spent most of my day researching and I am a little nervous about how far it is away from major cities/airports, but God has a purpose and I WILL trust in that purpose!!!
Once my computer was turned on and I could pull up google I found it. It is in the southern part of Italy...in the toe of the boot pretty much! I was excited and tried to tell my momma, but she was not answering her desk phone, so I ran to tell my daddy! Then finally as I was making my oatmeal (something I am sure I will be taking with me...at least a little bit), my momma called and I told her and we immediately started searching for where it was, information about it, and is there a train station in the city. I do not know much about the area yet, but I am looking. It does seem like it will be easy to visit Greece and of coursed the southern areas of Italy. The only thing I am concerned about it people coming to visit. I am going to be pretty far away from the touristy places like Rome, Florence, Venice, etc.
God is so good and in my patience He has given me time to adjust to the idea of Italy and now I have a location. Now, let some of the dreaming and fantasizing about travel begin. The fact that it is a smaller town may make it hard to find a group of Christians to have Bible study with, etc. may be hard, but there is a University there, so maybe?!?!?! We'll see. God has gone before me and He will go with me.
What I am seeing is that it will be a little more expensive than I'd hoped to get around Europe. THere is only a tiny airport even remotely nearby and the trains to Rome and such are a little more expensive than I'd thought...and time consuming!! It also appears as though I will need to rent a car every now and then to get around southern Italy and see some things. Hopefully I can figure out the bus system though!!
I found this quote just now in an essay by John Steinbeck about his trip to Positano, Italy (yes, the city where the woman in Under the Tuscan Sun goes to visit her Marcello and finds that he has moved on)!I think this quote is SOOOO true:
Now an American living long abroad may become completely expatriate. He may speak foreign, think foreign, eat foreign, but let Christmas or Fourth of July or Thanksgiving come around and something begins to squirm inside him and he finds he has to do something about it. -John Steinbeck
I just looked at Cosenza with google maps and the little man that you can put on the streets and I went to one of the bridges and the picture that came up brought tears to my eyes! It was so beautiful!!!
Found this on a website: Italy has more than its share of beaches. The best, arguably, are found in the Calabria region (that’s the toe of this boot-shaped country). The mild, dry weather, warm waters, and exotic seaside landscapes draw visitors from around the world. This is also a favorite spot for vacationing Italians. The spicy cuisine, high-quality local wines, and laid back population make this coastal area attractive for more than its beaches.
I spent most of my day researching and I am a little nervous about how far it is away from major cities/airports, but God has a purpose and I WILL trust in that purpose!!!
Monday, June 11, 2012
Patience and the learning process
-Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, waiting patiently for the Lord. Psalm 27:14
Lately, I have found myself saying something over and over again in conversations regarding the Fulbright process, "it is like God has been trying to teach me patience for years and He saw I was not getting it so He said, 'ok, Elyse....BAM (smacking myself on the forehead...or pretending to do it to someone else)...you WILL learn it this time. So, here it is, the BIGGEST test of patience and I hope you get it this time!!'" Well, I think I have, or at least I am actually allowing myself to learn it this time. I am hoping that this is a lesson that falls under the category of "better late than never"! I think it is, because I can already see how learning this is improving my faith, my trust in the Lord, and my ability to let go and let God.
So, I never truly understood just how much my impatience could get in the way of God's will (not that His will can be thwarted, but I can definitely try with my impatience). We always hear that His will, His timing, and His plan, are all perfect and I believed this, but did I always trust it? Unfortunately, the answer is no. Now, this is not something I said, but it was something that was clearly reflected by my actions while I was telling myself that I did trust it. I am a planner and I am a doer. I have a hard time sitting back and letting anyone have control of something in my life. However, the Fulbright application and waiting process has taught me to let go.
-We may throw the dice, but the Lord determines how they fall. Proverbs 16:33
A summary of this entire process: The Fulbright process started back in September 2011 when Dr. Maria Hernandez-Reif suggested that I apply because I want to travel and specifically to Italy (thus, I threw the dice and put my hat in the ring). I had to wait (impatiently) to meet with the campus representative and then complete the application process in just 2-3 short weeks; a process that most applicants spend months working on. I had essays to write, etc. Once the application was in I had an on-campus interview on October 11, 2011. After this interview, it would be as early as January when I would hear whether or not my application had been pushed to the next level. I walked away that day feeling good about the interview and I let it go (for once in my life). One morning while I was in Charleston towards the end of January 2012 I received an email saying that I had indeed made it to the next round and now it would be sometime before May 12th (ish) before I would know if I had actually received the scholarship or not. As the weeks and months went on, I began to grow somewhat impatient (ok, I was becoming pretty impatient) and awoke every morning with EAGER anticipation of an email. Once I received that email on April 23rd and then had my skype interview on May 4th, the waiting process began again. They said it would be ONE WEEK until I found out my location. Three weeks and a hard battle with patience later, I found patience, but did email them out of concern that I had been missed/forgotten/something (but truly had given into patience and thus the email was sent a week later than it would have been). They said it would be early June, and I sit here writing this on June 10th with little anticipation that it will actually be early June when I hear. However, I am feeling patient. I am in no hurry to rush them because clearly God has a plan and a purpose in my waiting.
In the midst of the Fulbright process: So, all the while (prior to April 23, 2012) I have been stuck in limbo of will I get it or will I not. I went through quite a few weeks and months of what do I do after graduation? Where do I get a job? I interviewed in NYC, I searched for jobs locally, in Nashville, NYC, etc. I hit brick walls everywhere I turned and never felt a sense of peace about any of these options. NYC is next to impossible at the moment (without more school and work in places I do not care to be). I was so confused and lost and unsure of what God was doing with my life. Along the way He helped me find purpose in certain areas of my life by allowing me to assist a friend with her dissertation and I had a nannying job that conveniently lasted from right after I returned from Charleston until just a few weeks after I would find out that I did receive the scholarship.
-Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do and he will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:6
All the while I had been praying for God's guidance and leadership and that I would go wherever He wanted me to go. I had to pray A LOT about how I would go even if it was not MY first choice. I was reluctant to stay in Birmingham or go to Nashville because my heart was (and still is somewhat) set on NYC. I began praying that God would just make His plan known to me through the opening and shutting of doors. I am a terrible decision maker and I prayed that God would just SLAM every wrong door in my face and open the right one in His time, and that He would provide me with His peace that surpasses all understanding. All the while I was also praying that He would give me patience in the waiting process because He must have a reason for the long process.
I knew that He must have a reason for me being in Birmingham with my mom and dad, with the ability to travel to Tuscaloosa. During this time I was also fortunate enough to hear some good sermons and read some thing regarding timing in life and about being exactly where we are for a reason (see story of Esther and Mordecai in the book of Esther...particularly focusing on Esther 4:14). Thankfully, God has had the mercy to show me how my life has purpose right where I am. He has shown me that only I can have purpose and influence in the situations that I am involved in right now.
-We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. Colossians 1:11
WEEELLLLL....all of the above was true. I actively searched for jobs and continued to pray about open and closed doors and you know what, He closed ALL the other doors (and allowed me to NEVER feel rejection/anger/pain from those closed doors) and he OPENED the door He wanted me to go through. I had also been praying that if Italy was the door that He would provide me EXTRA peace/strength/courage because this would be the SCARIEST of all the options (in my opinion at least). I've also read a lot lately about how the scariest decisions/adventures in life can be the most rewarding ones. I had a few scares regarding whether I would be peaceful or not, but when that email finally came, I read it with very little emotion. When I finished reading it, a peace washed over me like I never saw coming. I was not scared and I was not anxious, I just knew; I knew that God has just opened the door that I was going through.
He has since revealed to me that all of my efforts to force my way to NYC had simply been me trying to push my own will/plan onto Him and that I needed to be patient and let Him work. When I say I was forcing it, I mean I was really forcing it. I was turning to every resource (humans, schools, websites, etc) that I could to help me make my way to NYC. This is NOT how He intends it to be. Had I stopped to check with Him more, I would have experienced a lot less stress and frustration.
The two most trying times of patience in this process were right before I found out that I did receive the Fulbright and the time between the final skype interview and today, when I still do not know where I am going in Italy. During these times I have learned to pray for God's will. I pray daily that He will help me to remain patient and remember that His timing is perfect and He MUST have a reason for the delay. He is preparing my way...He has gone before me and He will come with me to Italy.
-Now may the God of peace- who brought you up from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great Shepard of the sheep, and ratified an eternal covenant with his blood- may he equip you with all you need for doing his will. May he produce in you, through the power of Jesus Christ, every good thing that is pleasing to him. Hebrews 13:20-21
When I worry about not being prepared for understanding/speaking the language, when I worry about never having taught English, and when I worry about my lack of experience with teenagers/high schoolers, I have faith in the fact that He equips the called. Even in that respect I must have patience because I cannot currently see how He is equipping me/how He has equipped me already in all of these areas. I'm not saying that I will not get there and have some struggles in these areas, but what I am saying is that I have faith that the Lord will be walking with me through it all.
I am such a planner that I am struggling with them letting the weeks fly by between me finding out and telling me where I will be. I often feel as though they are wasting my weeks of planning and not giving me adequate time to do things. I have to keep reminding myself that God's will and timing are perfect. He is never early and He is never late.
-And the Scriptures give us hope and encouragement as we wait patiently for God's promises to be fulfilled. Romans 15:4
-And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Romans 8:28
Another thing I am learning is that every time fear of the unknown (in general, but primarily Italy) strikes me, I have to stop and pray that God will grant me peace and that He has a purpose in this trip. I pray that He will use me for His glory and that I will find good Christian friends while I am there. I pray that I will be a light for Him in this foreign country. I want this trip to be used for His glory.
-For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
He granted me this amazing opportunity to live out dreams, and I want to repay Him with giving it to Him for his plan/will/purpose.
This HUGE lesson in patience will carry throughout my life.
-Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city. Proverbs 16:32
I now see that if I just wait on the Lord, He will show me the right path and I will have peace about it. The lesson in patience is carrying over to other areas of my life as well, though I still have work to do. I am learning to be patient with friends, family, and other things in life. It is important because the Bible tells us that patience is a fruit of the spirit and I want my life to be reflective of that fruit, NOT a reflection of sinful nature (Galatians 5:13-26). The Bible tells us that patience is part of love, true love, and that love for our "neighbors" is the second most important commandment (Jesus said so himself in Matthew 22:36-40), AND we cannot have true love without patience (1 Corinthians 13).
-But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things. Galatians 5:22
Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?”
37 Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] 40 The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:36-40
If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;[a] but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.
4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
8 Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages[b] and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! 1 Corinthians 13:1-8
-Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Colossians 3:12
The final verse I will include in this post is my goal in life and is also true of my life already. God HAS transformed me into a new person by changing the way I think. I am NOT the person I was 2 years ago and God has made that possible. My next post will be more about this.
-Do not copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:2
**I know that this blog is about my Italian adventures and my upcoming move to Italy, but this is a HUGE part of the process. My faith will continue to be a focus in this blog because, "questa e` la mia vita" and God has transformed my life.**
Lately, I have found myself saying something over and over again in conversations regarding the Fulbright process, "it is like God has been trying to teach me patience for years and He saw I was not getting it so He said, 'ok, Elyse....BAM (smacking myself on the forehead...or pretending to do it to someone else)...you WILL learn it this time. So, here it is, the BIGGEST test of patience and I hope you get it this time!!'" Well, I think I have, or at least I am actually allowing myself to learn it this time. I am hoping that this is a lesson that falls under the category of "better late than never"! I think it is, because I can already see how learning this is improving my faith, my trust in the Lord, and my ability to let go and let God.
So, I never truly understood just how much my impatience could get in the way of God's will (not that His will can be thwarted, but I can definitely try with my impatience). We always hear that His will, His timing, and His plan, are all perfect and I believed this, but did I always trust it? Unfortunately, the answer is no. Now, this is not something I said, but it was something that was clearly reflected by my actions while I was telling myself that I did trust it. I am a planner and I am a doer. I have a hard time sitting back and letting anyone have control of something in my life. However, the Fulbright application and waiting process has taught me to let go.
-We may throw the dice, but the Lord determines how they fall. Proverbs 16:33
A summary of this entire process: The Fulbright process started back in September 2011 when Dr. Maria Hernandez-Reif suggested that I apply because I want to travel and specifically to Italy (thus, I threw the dice and put my hat in the ring). I had to wait (impatiently) to meet with the campus representative and then complete the application process in just 2-3 short weeks; a process that most applicants spend months working on. I had essays to write, etc. Once the application was in I had an on-campus interview on October 11, 2011. After this interview, it would be as early as January when I would hear whether or not my application had been pushed to the next level. I walked away that day feeling good about the interview and I let it go (for once in my life). One morning while I was in Charleston towards the end of January 2012 I received an email saying that I had indeed made it to the next round and now it would be sometime before May 12th (ish) before I would know if I had actually received the scholarship or not. As the weeks and months went on, I began to grow somewhat impatient (ok, I was becoming pretty impatient) and awoke every morning with EAGER anticipation of an email. Once I received that email on April 23rd and then had my skype interview on May 4th, the waiting process began again. They said it would be ONE WEEK until I found out my location. Three weeks and a hard battle with patience later, I found patience, but did email them out of concern that I had been missed/forgotten/something (but truly had given into patience and thus the email was sent a week later than it would have been). They said it would be early June, and I sit here writing this on June 10th with little anticipation that it will actually be early June when I hear. However, I am feeling patient. I am in no hurry to rush them because clearly God has a plan and a purpose in my waiting.
In the midst of the Fulbright process: So, all the while (prior to April 23, 2012) I have been stuck in limbo of will I get it or will I not. I went through quite a few weeks and months of what do I do after graduation? Where do I get a job? I interviewed in NYC, I searched for jobs locally, in Nashville, NYC, etc. I hit brick walls everywhere I turned and never felt a sense of peace about any of these options. NYC is next to impossible at the moment (without more school and work in places I do not care to be). I was so confused and lost and unsure of what God was doing with my life. Along the way He helped me find purpose in certain areas of my life by allowing me to assist a friend with her dissertation and I had a nannying job that conveniently lasted from right after I returned from Charleston until just a few weeks after I would find out that I did receive the scholarship.
-Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do and he will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:6
All the while I had been praying for God's guidance and leadership and that I would go wherever He wanted me to go. I had to pray A LOT about how I would go even if it was not MY first choice. I was reluctant to stay in Birmingham or go to Nashville because my heart was (and still is somewhat) set on NYC. I began praying that God would just make His plan known to me through the opening and shutting of doors. I am a terrible decision maker and I prayed that God would just SLAM every wrong door in my face and open the right one in His time, and that He would provide me with His peace that surpasses all understanding. All the while I was also praying that He would give me patience in the waiting process because He must have a reason for the long process.
I knew that He must have a reason for me being in Birmingham with my mom and dad, with the ability to travel to Tuscaloosa. During this time I was also fortunate enough to hear some good sermons and read some thing regarding timing in life and about being exactly where we are for a reason (see story of Esther and Mordecai in the book of Esther...particularly focusing on Esther 4:14). Thankfully, God has had the mercy to show me how my life has purpose right where I am. He has shown me that only I can have purpose and influence in the situations that I am involved in right now.
-We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. Colossians 1:11
WEEELLLLL....all of the above was true. I actively searched for jobs and continued to pray about open and closed doors and you know what, He closed ALL the other doors (and allowed me to NEVER feel rejection/anger/pain from those closed doors) and he OPENED the door He wanted me to go through. I had also been praying that if Italy was the door that He would provide me EXTRA peace/strength/courage because this would be the SCARIEST of all the options (in my opinion at least). I've also read a lot lately about how the scariest decisions/adventures in life can be the most rewarding ones. I had a few scares regarding whether I would be peaceful or not, but when that email finally came, I read it with very little emotion. When I finished reading it, a peace washed over me like I never saw coming. I was not scared and I was not anxious, I just knew; I knew that God has just opened the door that I was going through.
He has since revealed to me that all of my efforts to force my way to NYC had simply been me trying to push my own will/plan onto Him and that I needed to be patient and let Him work. When I say I was forcing it, I mean I was really forcing it. I was turning to every resource (humans, schools, websites, etc) that I could to help me make my way to NYC. This is NOT how He intends it to be. Had I stopped to check with Him more, I would have experienced a lot less stress and frustration.
The two most trying times of patience in this process were right before I found out that I did receive the Fulbright and the time between the final skype interview and today, when I still do not know where I am going in Italy. During these times I have learned to pray for God's will. I pray daily that He will help me to remain patient and remember that His timing is perfect and He MUST have a reason for the delay. He is preparing my way...He has gone before me and He will come with me to Italy.
-Now may the God of peace- who brought you up from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great Shepard of the sheep, and ratified an eternal covenant with his blood- may he equip you with all you need for doing his will. May he produce in you, through the power of Jesus Christ, every good thing that is pleasing to him. Hebrews 13:20-21
When I worry about not being prepared for understanding/speaking the language, when I worry about never having taught English, and when I worry about my lack of experience with teenagers/high schoolers, I have faith in the fact that He equips the called. Even in that respect I must have patience because I cannot currently see how He is equipping me/how He has equipped me already in all of these areas. I'm not saying that I will not get there and have some struggles in these areas, but what I am saying is that I have faith that the Lord will be walking with me through it all.
I am such a planner that I am struggling with them letting the weeks fly by between me finding out and telling me where I will be. I often feel as though they are wasting my weeks of planning and not giving me adequate time to do things. I have to keep reminding myself that God's will and timing are perfect. He is never early and He is never late.
-And the Scriptures give us hope and encouragement as we wait patiently for God's promises to be fulfilled. Romans 15:4
-And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Romans 8:28
Another thing I am learning is that every time fear of the unknown (in general, but primarily Italy) strikes me, I have to stop and pray that God will grant me peace and that He has a purpose in this trip. I pray that He will use me for His glory and that I will find good Christian friends while I am there. I pray that I will be a light for Him in this foreign country. I want this trip to be used for His glory.
-For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
He granted me this amazing opportunity to live out dreams, and I want to repay Him with giving it to Him for his plan/will/purpose.
This HUGE lesson in patience will carry throughout my life.
-Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city. Proverbs 16:32
I now see that if I just wait on the Lord, He will show me the right path and I will have peace about it. The lesson in patience is carrying over to other areas of my life as well, though I still have work to do. I am learning to be patient with friends, family, and other things in life. It is important because the Bible tells us that patience is a fruit of the spirit and I want my life to be reflective of that fruit, NOT a reflection of sinful nature (Galatians 5:13-26). The Bible tells us that patience is part of love, true love, and that love for our "neighbors" is the second most important commandment (Jesus said so himself in Matthew 22:36-40), AND we cannot have true love without patience (1 Corinthians 13).
-But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things. Galatians 5:22
Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?”
37 Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] 40 The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:36-40
If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;[a] but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.
4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
8 Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages[b] and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! 1 Corinthians 13:1-8
-Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Colossians 3:12
The final verse I will include in this post is my goal in life and is also true of my life already. God HAS transformed me into a new person by changing the way I think. I am NOT the person I was 2 years ago and God has made that possible. My next post will be more about this.
-Do not copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:2
**I know that this blog is about my Italian adventures and my upcoming move to Italy, but this is a HUGE part of the process. My faith will continue to be a focus in this blog because, "questa e` la mia vita" and God has transformed my life.**
Friday, May 4, 2012
Technology...interview...strawberries!
Today was my final Fulbright interview; a skype interview. So I spent last night at the Avery house, and we had so much fun! The girls always sing and dance and just put on the best show! I had to get up very early though because my interview was at 8 am and so I planned to get to the cdrc at 7:30. Mrs. Malissa was going to be there early to help me get setup and April said she would be there early too doing work.
On my way I was behind Mrs. Malissa and so we arrived at the same time. I found April immediately too! We got my essays printed (per Maria's suggestion), and got skype signed in and ready to go! I was so nervous, but April and Mrs. Malissa were so sweet and encouraging. April was in the conference room with me when I accepted the Fulbright people's skype contact request and then about 2 minutes until the start of the interview, they signed off. I noticed that their information said that it was 2 pm in Italy. This was important because they said that the interview was at 8 am, 4 pm Italy time. SO then we noticed that the computer was an our behind, but that only made it 3 pm in Italy. Thus, the interview was an hour later. I was just glad that it was their mistake and not mine. This did mean that I got to spend an hour with my \a (April).
We just sat and talked, went over questions I could ask, talked about random stuff, and it was relaxing to just spend an hour with her. As it got closer we stood up and when the phone rang, she ran out and I sat down to answer the call! I was really nervous, but it was a very informal 15 minutes. They were 3 sweet older Italian ladies all trying to cram into one little webcam! They introduced themselves and I could NOT understand hardly anything they said! After introductions, they started asking questions. Well, first they told me that the purpose of the interview was to find out some more information about me so that they could place me in a city/school. Then they asked me where I was, because I think they were confused about the distance between me and the camera. I explained that I was in a conference room at The University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. Then they started asking questions. 1. Why did I apply for the Fulbright? I forgot what all I said, but I remember saying that the main reason was the opportunity to live in Italy and learn more about the culture and become integrated into the culture; also, getting to learn about their schools and teaching styles so that I could bring that information back to the US and back to the preschool classroom here. 2. What was my teaching experience? I explained that I had worked primarily with birth- preschool. I explained that I had never formally taught English (something that was in my essay(s)), but that we do emergent literacy with preschoolers. 3. What were my expectations for this experience both personally and professionally? I explained that professionally it would open me up to new techniques, etc etc that I could bring back to my future classroom and stuff like that and that personally I expected to grow in varying ways (I truly do NOT remember what all I said). I do remember talking about exposure to a variety of teaching strategies and learning about new cultures and different ways of life...or something). 4. They asked a little about me living with an Italian family and I had to explain that I worked for an Italian family in NYC and that I lived with one in November. They did ask if the family in NYC had Italian teenagers, and I explained that they were younger children. 5. Did I consider myself an independent person? I said yes; talked about being an only child, going to school, moving to NYC, and then traveling to Italy without knowing anyone back in November.
They were so friendly and sweet. They told me that I would be hearing from one of them by the end of next week regarding the city. They didn't give me any time to ask questions or anything, but it went REALLY WELL!!! After that, April got chocolate covered strawberries from Peterbrooke (toooo sweet) and we spend the day having fun and getting her work done! :)
Next step, what city I am going to!
We just sat and talked, went over questions I could ask, talked about random stuff, and it was relaxing to just spend an hour with her. As it got closer we stood up and when the phone rang, she ran out and I sat down to answer the call! I was really nervous, but it was a very informal 15 minutes. They were 3 sweet older Italian ladies all trying to cram into one little webcam! They introduced themselves and I could NOT understand hardly anything they said! After introductions, they started asking questions. Well, first they told me that the purpose of the interview was to find out some more information about me so that they could place me in a city/school. Then they asked me where I was, because I think they were confused about the distance between me and the camera. I explained that I was in a conference room at The University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. Then they started asking questions. 1. Why did I apply for the Fulbright? I forgot what all I said, but I remember saying that the main reason was the opportunity to live in Italy and learn more about the culture and become integrated into the culture; also, getting to learn about their schools and teaching styles so that I could bring that information back to the US and back to the preschool classroom here. 2. What was my teaching experience? I explained that I had worked primarily with birth- preschool. I explained that I had never formally taught English (something that was in my essay(s)), but that we do emergent literacy with preschoolers. 3. What were my expectations for this experience both personally and professionally? I explained that professionally it would open me up to new techniques, etc etc that I could bring back to my future classroom and stuff like that and that personally I expected to grow in varying ways (I truly do NOT remember what all I said). I do remember talking about exposure to a variety of teaching strategies and learning about new cultures and different ways of life...or something). 4. They asked a little about me living with an Italian family and I had to explain that I worked for an Italian family in NYC and that I lived with one in November. They did ask if the family in NYC had Italian teenagers, and I explained that they were younger children. 5. Did I consider myself an independent person? I said yes; talked about being an only child, going to school, moving to NYC, and then traveling to Italy without knowing anyone back in November.
They were so friendly and sweet. They told me that I would be hearing from one of them by the end of next week regarding the city. They didn't give me any time to ask questions or anything, but it went REALLY WELL!!! After that, April got chocolate covered strawberries from Peterbrooke (toooo sweet) and we spend the day having fun and getting her work done! :)
Next step, what city I am going to!
Friday, April 27, 2012
Back to Italy...The Fulbright
Well, on Monday, April 23rd, I woke up earlier than normal and was excited for the day. I was going to Tuscaloosa after work for the Scholarship/Award Reception at The University Club, and I was excited to see April and potentially Dr. Hall and Dr. Hernandez-Reif. I woke up and one of my first thoughts was, "I need to check my emails...but there is NO WAY I will get the email today...of ALL days!!" So I picked up my phone and opened my emails and there it was...an email with the subject line, "MCLAUGHLIN 2012-2013 ETA". My heart was steady and my nerves were calm because God is so good! So I calmly opened it and read it, and was very excited!
I just laid in my room for like 5 minutes processing and figuring out what to do first, so I tried to call my momma like 3 times. So then I walked outside and told my daddy; he wasn't too happy! Finally my momma called me back and I was able to tell her! :) She was excited!! The next thing I did was text Erin because I needed her to be the first person other than my parents to know! Then, I sent April a text because she was the second person I wanted to know (and my \a is awake early AND I knew she would be excited!). So I started getting ready for my day (getting stuff together for Tusc., etc.). April called me and she was SO EXCITED with me and I was so excited that she was excited with me. I finished getting ready for work and then headed out!
**I think it is important to say here that I had a peaceful feeling all morning about this. I was really afraid that I would be scared and anxious and confused and conflicted and/or upset when I finally got the email, but God just granted me His peace that surpasses all understanding. I was also excited to get to Tuscaloosa and be excited with April and others.**
On the way to work I called Mrs. Malissa to tell her and she was SOOO excited with me, but I made her promise not to tell anyone. However, I did let her tell Dr. Tingle, but I didn't want to her to tell Dr. Hernandez-Reif. I was so grateful to Mrs. Malissa for being so excited with me!!! I also talked to Mike and he was equally excited for me!! There were just some people I didn't want to find out over facebook and he was definitely one of them.
Work was good, but I was anxious to get to Tuscaloosa. Alyssa was so excited and hugged me and was just saying how proud she was, which was really sweet of her!! From work I was able to talk to Dr. Hernandez-Reif (Maria from here on out because 1. She asked me to call her that...even if I struggle with it and 2. Dr. Hernandez-Reif is a long name to type). She was excited with me and said that she would be able to come to the reception and that made me REALLY happy! Brian came home about 15 minutes early and that made me happy because I was so so so excited to get to April. I was grateful that I was only 45 minutes from Tuscaloosa. I was SO SO SO excited when i was driving and my phone rang and it was my Erin!!! She was excited too!! We already know it will be difficult to be so far apart, but she was excited with me!! I love her so much!!
When I got there, April was so excited with me and it was good to hug her and be excited. April was so sweet to let me get ready at her house and hang out with her before the reception. April is also too much and gave me the prettiest pink Gerber Daisies. She also googled how to write the card in Italian!! She is such a sweet, beautiful, and all around wonderful friend! Before I left April was so sweet to take a picture of me wearing my new dress, which I was so excited about (and did find cute flat shoes to go with it...yay!) and then I was off to the reception. 
I just walked there (the convenience of \a living in the rental house!) and when I got there she was the first face I really saw and I was so excited to hug her and talk to her! I got signed in and got a name tag and then we just started catching up! They encouraged us to eat, but we didn't! So then the man in charge got our attention and got the night started. He introduced the interim President, Dr. Judy Bonner (who was a little late) who expressed her joy to be there and how proud of us she was and how great these things are for UA. We then had to go through the list of attendees that were there and we each had to say our names and thank our references/professors that supported us in the process. I was nervous...I didn't want to say anything at the mic. However, after the smarty pants who are Rhodes Scholar finalist and other things, it was the Fulbright group's turn. All the people ahead of me thanked like a million people and talked about endless essay re-writes and how their professors had proofread their essays a million times and at crazy hours and at the last minute. :/ When it was finally my turn I thanked Maurizio and Barbara for helping me fall in love with the Italian language/culture (and stalled on their names...ick...embarassing); I thanked Dr. Hall for his wonderful recommendation letter and for guiding me through undergrad. Then I just looked at Maria and in my mind I was thinking, "how do I thank her again? I am grateful to her for so much, how do I squeeze it in in just a few seconds." So, I just said that I was also grateful to Dr. Hernandez-Reif who I think knows how much I appreciate her and without whom I would not have made it through graduate school. Which is SOOO true, though she denies it! So the rest of the reception was really good! We never ate, but just stood and talked! It was great to just be able to talk to Maria and catch up! We covered all sorts of topics and I just enjoyed it! So then she was so sweet to drive me back to April's house even though she lives so close!! She was so sweet to just share in my excitement with me and she is always so encouraging and I just love her!
So when I got out of the car, Matthew was there to greet me. Sweet little Matthew; he wanted to know if my car was in fact, my car and he followed me to the door and went in with me! I caught April up the reception and stuff and then she was so sweet to let me eat dinner with her and Mark! So, we had good wine, vegetable soup, and cornbread! I love my \a and Mark too! Such a cutie cute couple and so sweet to me!!
THEN I went to Mrs. Malissa's house where I was sooo excited to give her a hug! She and Damon were also very sweet to share in my excitement! We just spent the evening catching up and talking!! It was perfect!!! Then, we went to bed!! I got up early on Tuesday morning so that I could go see Heather and all of my friends at the Children's Program.
I ran into Ms. Susan before I made it to the CP and she was excited and proud! First, I went to Heather and she was excited!! The only bummer part was when i told her she would have to get someone with an iPhone to sign onto skype and let me watch her walk down the aisle. She wasn't sure why and then it hit her that I'll be in Italy for her wedding (May 4, 2013)! I have the best friends though because they have all been so supportive and loving!! Kelly came in after a while and gave me a hug and then I went to talk to her some! I was able to tell Mrs. Robin (after she informed me that she had contacted some people in Birmingham and they didn't have any jobs...DUH because God has been closing those doors in order to open Italy's door and to make me CERTAIN that it is where I am supposed to be). Then I shared with Mike Beers, Courtney, Jessy, Alison, Ms. Gale, Ms. Shannon, and EVERYONE was so sweet and encouraging and excited with me!! Christy and Lois were excited with me! It was just so amazing to tell so many people that I know and love and to have them be excited with me!!! It really means so much to me!!
Upstairs, I was able to talk to Dr. Tingle (about contacting the IMB, about how she could get money from the Dean for her and Mrs. Malissa to come visit...haha, we'll see, etc. etc), Dr. Scofield, and I emailed Dr. Stanfield, Maurizio and Barbara, and called Dr. Hall. I saw Maria briefly and got a good hug and showed her my beautiful flowers that april gave me!! I also got to hang out with April for a bit, which is always nice!! After all of this, I felt like I could put it on facebook! Everyone was so sweet and supportive...I had something crazy like 85 "likes" and like 30 comments over all and I am just so grateful for the love and support!! Then, I went to lunch with Ms. Sally and she was so encouraging and supportive. I really enjoyed spending time with her! When we got back I went and talked to Meredith and Shana (and Meredith already knew and couldn't hide it...haha), but they were sweet and excited! Then I talked to Meredith for a little while and then went upstairs!
Later I went out with my \a to the UPS store and to get her a yummy banana split milkshake. We sat in the car and talked for a little bit and I had a mini crying moment, but it was good to get out of my system because it had been building up!! After that I went and saw Kelly for a bit, and then I ran upstairs and told Mrs. Malissa bye and stuff.
I came back to Birmingham and went to the "pot" part with my momma and the ladies group! They were all SO excited about the Fulbright and were just so sweet and encouraging (the theme of the day and Monday). We had great food and a good time!
I cannot say enough how much it has meant to me to have so many supporting, encouraging, loving, and excited friends. I do not believe any of them (except April, my momma, and Frances) when they say they are coming to visit me, but that doesn't matter!! If they will just email, call, skype, and write letters to me, then I'll be just fine!!!
Thursday was a good day for Fulbright stuff too! Wednesday night I emailed the foreign language teacher at UAB about an Italian tutor and he answered me first thing Thursday morning saying that he could tutor me or offer me another name. Thursday, I also emailed the International Mission Board about finding missionary contact info/churches in Italy and they emailed me back within an hour with two very helpful websites!! God is so good and I am just amazed at the peace He has given me about this whole situation and how He just continues to open doors and make the pathway clear for this wonderful opportunity. The peace that surpasses all understanding is just amazing!! I prayed that He would make the choice clear and obvious and He has!!! I just cannot say enough how good He is...how loving...how forgiving...how merciful...how gracious...so faithful!!
I just laid in my room for like 5 minutes processing and figuring out what to do first, so I tried to call my momma like 3 times. So then I walked outside and told my daddy; he wasn't too happy! Finally my momma called me back and I was able to tell her! :) She was excited!! The next thing I did was text Erin because I needed her to be the first person other than my parents to know! Then, I sent April a text because she was the second person I wanted to know (and my \a is awake early AND I knew she would be excited!). So I started getting ready for my day (getting stuff together for Tusc., etc.). April called me and she was SO EXCITED with me and I was so excited that she was excited with me. I finished getting ready for work and then headed out!
**I think it is important to say here that I had a peaceful feeling all morning about this. I was really afraid that I would be scared and anxious and confused and conflicted and/or upset when I finally got the email, but God just granted me His peace that surpasses all understanding. I was also excited to get to Tuscaloosa and be excited with April and others.**
On the way to work I called Mrs. Malissa to tell her and she was SOOO excited with me, but I made her promise not to tell anyone. However, I did let her tell Dr. Tingle, but I didn't want to her to tell Dr. Hernandez-Reif. I was so grateful to Mrs. Malissa for being so excited with me!!! I also talked to Mike and he was equally excited for me!! There were just some people I didn't want to find out over facebook and he was definitely one of them.
When I got there, April was so excited with me and it was good to hug her and be excited. April was so sweet to let me get ready at her house and hang out with her before the reception. April is also too much and gave me the prettiest pink Gerber Daisies. She also googled how to write the card in Italian!! She is such a sweet, beautiful, and all around wonderful friend! Before I left April was so sweet to take a picture of me wearing my new dress, which I was so excited about (and did find cute flat shoes to go with it...yay!) and then I was off to the reception. 
I just walked there (the convenience of \a living in the rental house!) and when I got there she was the first face I really saw and I was so excited to hug her and talk to her! I got signed in and got a name tag and then we just started catching up! They encouraged us to eat, but we didn't! So then the man in charge got our attention and got the night started. He introduced the interim President, Dr. Judy Bonner (who was a little late) who expressed her joy to be there and how proud of us she was and how great these things are for UA. We then had to go through the list of attendees that were there and we each had to say our names and thank our references/professors that supported us in the process. I was nervous...I didn't want to say anything at the mic. However, after the smarty pants who are Rhodes Scholar finalist and other things, it was the Fulbright group's turn. All the people ahead of me thanked like a million people and talked about endless essay re-writes and how their professors had proofread their essays a million times and at crazy hours and at the last minute. :/ When it was finally my turn I thanked Maurizio and Barbara for helping me fall in love with the Italian language/culture (and stalled on their names...ick...embarassing); I thanked Dr. Hall for his wonderful recommendation letter and for guiding me through undergrad. Then I just looked at Maria and in my mind I was thinking, "how do I thank her again? I am grateful to her for so much, how do I squeeze it in in just a few seconds." So, I just said that I was also grateful to Dr. Hernandez-Reif who I think knows how much I appreciate her and without whom I would not have made it through graduate school. Which is SOOO true, though she denies it! So the rest of the reception was really good! We never ate, but just stood and talked! It was great to just be able to talk to Maria and catch up! We covered all sorts of topics and I just enjoyed it! So then she was so sweet to drive me back to April's house even though she lives so close!! She was so sweet to just share in my excitement with me and she is always so encouraging and I just love her!
So when I got out of the car, Matthew was there to greet me. Sweet little Matthew; he wanted to know if my car was in fact, my car and he followed me to the door and went in with me! I caught April up the reception and stuff and then she was so sweet to let me eat dinner with her and Mark! So, we had good wine, vegetable soup, and cornbread! I love my \a and Mark too! Such a cutie cute couple and so sweet to me!!
THEN I went to Mrs. Malissa's house where I was sooo excited to give her a hug! She and Damon were also very sweet to share in my excitement! We just spent the evening catching up and talking!! It was perfect!!! Then, we went to bed!! I got up early on Tuesday morning so that I could go see Heather and all of my friends at the Children's Program.
I ran into Ms. Susan before I made it to the CP and she was excited and proud! First, I went to Heather and she was excited!! The only bummer part was when i told her she would have to get someone with an iPhone to sign onto skype and let me watch her walk down the aisle. She wasn't sure why and then it hit her that I'll be in Italy for her wedding (May 4, 2013)! I have the best friends though because they have all been so supportive and loving!! Kelly came in after a while and gave me a hug and then I went to talk to her some! I was able to tell Mrs. Robin (after she informed me that she had contacted some people in Birmingham and they didn't have any jobs...DUH because God has been closing those doors in order to open Italy's door and to make me CERTAIN that it is where I am supposed to be). Then I shared with Mike Beers, Courtney, Jessy, Alison, Ms. Gale, Ms. Shannon, and EVERYONE was so sweet and encouraging and excited with me!! Christy and Lois were excited with me! It was just so amazing to tell so many people that I know and love and to have them be excited with me!!! It really means so much to me!!
Upstairs, I was able to talk to Dr. Tingle (about contacting the IMB, about how she could get money from the Dean for her and Mrs. Malissa to come visit...haha, we'll see, etc. etc), Dr. Scofield, and I emailed Dr. Stanfield, Maurizio and Barbara, and called Dr. Hall. I saw Maria briefly and got a good hug and showed her my beautiful flowers that april gave me!! I also got to hang out with April for a bit, which is always nice!! After all of this, I felt like I could put it on facebook! Everyone was so sweet and supportive...I had something crazy like 85 "likes" and like 30 comments over all and I am just so grateful for the love and support!! Then, I went to lunch with Ms. Sally and she was so encouraging and supportive. I really enjoyed spending time with her! When we got back I went and talked to Meredith and Shana (and Meredith already knew and couldn't hide it...haha), but they were sweet and excited! Then I talked to Meredith for a little while and then went upstairs!
Later I went out with my \a to the UPS store and to get her a yummy banana split milkshake. We sat in the car and talked for a little bit and I had a mini crying moment, but it was good to get out of my system because it had been building up!! After that I went and saw Kelly for a bit, and then I ran upstairs and told Mrs. Malissa bye and stuff.
I came back to Birmingham and went to the "pot" part with my momma and the ladies group! They were all SO excited about the Fulbright and were just so sweet and encouraging (the theme of the day and Monday). We had great food and a good time!
I cannot say enough how much it has meant to me to have so many supporting, encouraging, loving, and excited friends. I do not believe any of them (except April, my momma, and Frances) when they say they are coming to visit me, but that doesn't matter!! If they will just email, call, skype, and write letters to me, then I'll be just fine!!!
Thursday was a good day for Fulbright stuff too! Wednesday night I emailed the foreign language teacher at UAB about an Italian tutor and he answered me first thing Thursday morning saying that he could tutor me or offer me another name. Thursday, I also emailed the International Mission Board about finding missionary contact info/churches in Italy and they emailed me back within an hour with two very helpful websites!! God is so good and I am just amazed at the peace He has given me about this whole situation and how He just continues to open doors and make the pathway clear for this wonderful opportunity. The peace that surpasses all understanding is just amazing!! I prayed that He would make the choice clear and obvious and He has!!! I just cannot say enough how good He is...how loving...how forgiving...how merciful...how gracious...so faithful!!
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