The test of patience is never ending and these past few days have brought challenges not only in regards to patience, but challenges related to my anxious tendencies.
First, I have been becoming fearful of being alone in Italy. I do not want to feel alone; I do not want to sit in an empty apartment or room or house feeling a thousand miles away from anyone and everyone that I love. If you know me, and I am assuming that if you are reading this you do, you know that when I love, I love deeply. If I love you, I do not let go and I enjoy being in your presence (I am a quality time person...plug: if you've never taken the 5 Languages of Love test...DO IT!!). Therefore, one of my greatest "fears" is not being surrounded by people that I love. Italy will test this in a MAJOR way. However, it is most likely God's way of having me rely solely on Him and His way of reminding me that I am never alone because He is ALWAYS with me! I do not make friends easily, as I can be shy and reserved. I also do not just go along with what everyone else wants to do (drink, party, find guys, etc. etc.) and therefore, that can make it more difficult to find close friends. I am constantly praying that the Lord will help me find like-minded people while I am in Italy, and that He will show me opportunities to find other Christians and/or people who are open to my faith and values.
Then, the other night my mom and I ran into a person who held such a special place in my heart when I was younger; Amanda Burkowski. Amanda was the big sister I never had, and sometimes wanted (I say sometimes because I really am okay with being an only child)!! No really, Amanda was so, so, so special to me. She was a lifeguard at Irondale Swim & Tennis when I was younger and my mom would drop me off at the pool for hours during the day and I would hang out with Amanda and the other lifeguards. She taught all of my swimming lessons and taught me to dive and do a back dive and was just so sweet and good to me! I heard someone call my name in Wal-Mart the other night and omg if it wasn't Amanda. Apparently, Amanda is in the National Guard and has been called to go to Afghanistan. I could tell she was anxious and afraid. I left the conversation with Amanda feeling very guilty that I am sitting here with fears of Italy. Italy...where it is not a war zone and I will not be driving the trucks that transport the soldiers and I will not have to live in constant fear of a gun or an IED (that's the right letters???). I want to pray for Amanda and I will get her contact information and write her while she is there. I cannot imagine packing to leave for war...I cannot imagine that goodbye. Life has a way of putting things in perspective, and this did it for me!
Now, fear is still attacking me, but really, I am so fortunate that I am going to a place where my job is to teach and learn. So, for those who read this, please, please, please pray for Amanda; I know I will be. I do not know if Amanda loves Jesus, but I will be praying for her and praying that she does know Him and does love Him. Fear and anxiety have been attacking me in other ways too, but those are not for this blog. I will just say that it has been hard to breathe the past few days.
Today: today as I was at the library I decided to google information about the Fulbright and I came across this handbook that would have been FABULOUS to know about two months ago when I received my acceptance letter. Information about travel and visas and money and housing and just on and on. Of course my BIGGEST frustration was that I had to find this on my own! Thank you Lord for allowing me to find it today and not a month from now! God works in mysterious ways and He knows that I need time...time to adjust to things and time to plan for things! I had a meltdown in the library...crying...praying...begging for peace...and you know what....the Holy Spirit reminded me of my life verse (and it is MY life verse for a reason): Do not be afraid for I am with you. Do not be discouraged for I am your God. I will strengthen and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:10. I felt better, and I went to the bathroom to calm down and was reminded of the section in Matthew about worry where Jesus says that we should not worry about tomorrow because today has enough troubles of its own and that he takes care of the lilies in the field, so of course He will take care of us (very loosely translated). God is so good to remind me of His word when I am in need!
As I write, I am texting a friend and this friend made me realize that I am always looking for results in something and often forgetting about what I am learning in the process. I went through this for two years...searching for the end point of healing and not always seeing what I was gaining in the process. Even now, with relearning/expanding my Italian, I am so focused on "am I getting it all and when will I see the results", but in the process I am becoming disciplined in my studies, practicing my time management skills, learning to rely on the Lord, and much more! Same friend just shared some wise words, "handle what you can and remember, God gave you this opportunity, the details have been worked out and through patience, He will show you everything!" As I kept telling myself and Erin today, "God has gone before me and He will go with me!!!"
The devil is attacking me, but I will not let him because the war has already been won! He can attack me all he wants, but as Brother Billy said once, "I've read the end of the story...I cheated and turned to the end of the book...WE WIN!!" (again, loosely translated).
**Today was made GREAT by the fact that I got to spend a good (great) amount of time on the phone with Erin and April...always a happy thing!!! And my momma made amazing homemade chicken pot pie and we all ate dinner together!! :) I cherish the good and happy things!!**
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Cosenza, Italy
Well, this morning when I woke up, I had an email...one regarding where I will be living. As with the previous big email from them, I was pretty calm. However, this time I did have an excitement fluttering through my heart. When I opened the email, on my phone of course, I had NO IDEA where Cosenza, Italy was. So I jumped to get my computer and then I somehow marked the email as important or something and it disappeared from my inbox and that about gave me a heart attack! :/
Once my computer was turned on and I could pull up google I found it. It is in the southern part of Italy...in the toe of the boot pretty much! I was excited and tried to tell my momma, but she was not answering her desk phone, so I ran to tell my daddy! Then finally as I was making my oatmeal (something I am sure I will be taking with me...at least a little bit), my momma called and I told her and we immediately started searching for where it was, information about it, and is there a train station in the city. I do not know much about the area yet, but I am looking. It does seem like it will be easy to visit Greece and of coursed the southern areas of Italy. The only thing I am concerned about it people coming to visit. I am going to be pretty far away from the touristy places like Rome, Florence, Venice, etc.
God is so good and in my patience He has given me time to adjust to the idea of Italy and now I have a location. Now, let some of the dreaming and fantasizing about travel begin. The fact that it is a smaller town may make it hard to find a group of Christians to have Bible study with, etc. may be hard, but there is a University there, so maybe?!?!?! We'll see. God has gone before me and He will go with me.
What I am seeing is that it will be a little more expensive than I'd hoped to get around Europe. THere is only a tiny airport even remotely nearby and the trains to Rome and such are a little more expensive than I'd thought...and time consuming!! It also appears as though I will need to rent a car every now and then to get around southern Italy and see some things. Hopefully I can figure out the bus system though!!
I found this quote just now in an essay by John Steinbeck about his trip to Positano, Italy (yes, the city where the woman in Under the Tuscan Sun goes to visit her Marcello and finds that he has moved on)!I think this quote is SOOOO true:
Now an American living long abroad may become completely expatriate. He may speak foreign, think foreign, eat foreign, but let Christmas or Fourth of July or Thanksgiving come around and something begins to squirm inside him and he finds he has to do something about it. -John Steinbeck
I just looked at Cosenza with google maps and the little man that you can put on the streets and I went to one of the bridges and the picture that came up brought tears to my eyes! It was so beautiful!!!
Found this on a website: Italy has more than its share of beaches. The best, arguably, are found in the Calabria region (that’s the toe of this boot-shaped country). The mild, dry weather, warm waters, and exotic seaside landscapes draw visitors from around the world. This is also a favorite spot for vacationing Italians. The spicy cuisine, high-quality local wines, and laid back population make this coastal area attractive for more than its beaches.
I spent most of my day researching and I am a little nervous about how far it is away from major cities/airports, but God has a purpose and I WILL trust in that purpose!!!
Once my computer was turned on and I could pull up google I found it. It is in the southern part of Italy...in the toe of the boot pretty much! I was excited and tried to tell my momma, but she was not answering her desk phone, so I ran to tell my daddy! Then finally as I was making my oatmeal (something I am sure I will be taking with me...at least a little bit), my momma called and I told her and we immediately started searching for where it was, information about it, and is there a train station in the city. I do not know much about the area yet, but I am looking. It does seem like it will be easy to visit Greece and of coursed the southern areas of Italy. The only thing I am concerned about it people coming to visit. I am going to be pretty far away from the touristy places like Rome, Florence, Venice, etc.
God is so good and in my patience He has given me time to adjust to the idea of Italy and now I have a location. Now, let some of the dreaming and fantasizing about travel begin. The fact that it is a smaller town may make it hard to find a group of Christians to have Bible study with, etc. may be hard, but there is a University there, so maybe?!?!?! We'll see. God has gone before me and He will go with me.
What I am seeing is that it will be a little more expensive than I'd hoped to get around Europe. THere is only a tiny airport even remotely nearby and the trains to Rome and such are a little more expensive than I'd thought...and time consuming!! It also appears as though I will need to rent a car every now and then to get around southern Italy and see some things. Hopefully I can figure out the bus system though!!
I found this quote just now in an essay by John Steinbeck about his trip to Positano, Italy (yes, the city where the woman in Under the Tuscan Sun goes to visit her Marcello and finds that he has moved on)!I think this quote is SOOOO true:
Now an American living long abroad may become completely expatriate. He may speak foreign, think foreign, eat foreign, but let Christmas or Fourth of July or Thanksgiving come around and something begins to squirm inside him and he finds he has to do something about it. -John Steinbeck
I just looked at Cosenza with google maps and the little man that you can put on the streets and I went to one of the bridges and the picture that came up brought tears to my eyes! It was so beautiful!!!
Found this on a website: Italy has more than its share of beaches. The best, arguably, are found in the Calabria region (that’s the toe of this boot-shaped country). The mild, dry weather, warm waters, and exotic seaside landscapes draw visitors from around the world. This is also a favorite spot for vacationing Italians. The spicy cuisine, high-quality local wines, and laid back population make this coastal area attractive for more than its beaches.
I spent most of my day researching and I am a little nervous about how far it is away from major cities/airports, but God has a purpose and I WILL trust in that purpose!!!
Monday, June 11, 2012
Patience and the learning process
-Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, waiting patiently for the Lord. Psalm 27:14
Lately, I have found myself saying something over and over again in conversations regarding the Fulbright process, "it is like God has been trying to teach me patience for years and He saw I was not getting it so He said, 'ok, Elyse....BAM (smacking myself on the forehead...or pretending to do it to someone else)...you WILL learn it this time. So, here it is, the BIGGEST test of patience and I hope you get it this time!!'" Well, I think I have, or at least I am actually allowing myself to learn it this time. I am hoping that this is a lesson that falls under the category of "better late than never"! I think it is, because I can already see how learning this is improving my faith, my trust in the Lord, and my ability to let go and let God.
So, I never truly understood just how much my impatience could get in the way of God's will (not that His will can be thwarted, but I can definitely try with my impatience). We always hear that His will, His timing, and His plan, are all perfect and I believed this, but did I always trust it? Unfortunately, the answer is no. Now, this is not something I said, but it was something that was clearly reflected by my actions while I was telling myself that I did trust it. I am a planner and I am a doer. I have a hard time sitting back and letting anyone have control of something in my life. However, the Fulbright application and waiting process has taught me to let go.
-We may throw the dice, but the Lord determines how they fall. Proverbs 16:33
A summary of this entire process: The Fulbright process started back in September 2011 when Dr. Maria Hernandez-Reif suggested that I apply because I want to travel and specifically to Italy (thus, I threw the dice and put my hat in the ring). I had to wait (impatiently) to meet with the campus representative and then complete the application process in just 2-3 short weeks; a process that most applicants spend months working on. I had essays to write, etc. Once the application was in I had an on-campus interview on October 11, 2011. After this interview, it would be as early as January when I would hear whether or not my application had been pushed to the next level. I walked away that day feeling good about the interview and I let it go (for once in my life). One morning while I was in Charleston towards the end of January 2012 I received an email saying that I had indeed made it to the next round and now it would be sometime before May 12th (ish) before I would know if I had actually received the scholarship or not. As the weeks and months went on, I began to grow somewhat impatient (ok, I was becoming pretty impatient) and awoke every morning with EAGER anticipation of an email. Once I received that email on April 23rd and then had my skype interview on May 4th, the waiting process began again. They said it would be ONE WEEK until I found out my location. Three weeks and a hard battle with patience later, I found patience, but did email them out of concern that I had been missed/forgotten/something (but truly had given into patience and thus the email was sent a week later than it would have been). They said it would be early June, and I sit here writing this on June 10th with little anticipation that it will actually be early June when I hear. However, I am feeling patient. I am in no hurry to rush them because clearly God has a plan and a purpose in my waiting.
In the midst of the Fulbright process: So, all the while (prior to April 23, 2012) I have been stuck in limbo of will I get it or will I not. I went through quite a few weeks and months of what do I do after graduation? Where do I get a job? I interviewed in NYC, I searched for jobs locally, in Nashville, NYC, etc. I hit brick walls everywhere I turned and never felt a sense of peace about any of these options. NYC is next to impossible at the moment (without more school and work in places I do not care to be). I was so confused and lost and unsure of what God was doing with my life. Along the way He helped me find purpose in certain areas of my life by allowing me to assist a friend with her dissertation and I had a nannying job that conveniently lasted from right after I returned from Charleston until just a few weeks after I would find out that I did receive the scholarship.
-Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do and he will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:6
All the while I had been praying for God's guidance and leadership and that I would go wherever He wanted me to go. I had to pray A LOT about how I would go even if it was not MY first choice. I was reluctant to stay in Birmingham or go to Nashville because my heart was (and still is somewhat) set on NYC. I began praying that God would just make His plan known to me through the opening and shutting of doors. I am a terrible decision maker and I prayed that God would just SLAM every wrong door in my face and open the right one in His time, and that He would provide me with His peace that surpasses all understanding. All the while I was also praying that He would give me patience in the waiting process because He must have a reason for the long process.
I knew that He must have a reason for me being in Birmingham with my mom and dad, with the ability to travel to Tuscaloosa. During this time I was also fortunate enough to hear some good sermons and read some thing regarding timing in life and about being exactly where we are for a reason (see story of Esther and Mordecai in the book of Esther...particularly focusing on Esther 4:14). Thankfully, God has had the mercy to show me how my life has purpose right where I am. He has shown me that only I can have purpose and influence in the situations that I am involved in right now.
-We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. Colossians 1:11
WEEELLLLL....all of the above was true. I actively searched for jobs and continued to pray about open and closed doors and you know what, He closed ALL the other doors (and allowed me to NEVER feel rejection/anger/pain from those closed doors) and he OPENED the door He wanted me to go through. I had also been praying that if Italy was the door that He would provide me EXTRA peace/strength/courage because this would be the SCARIEST of all the options (in my opinion at least). I've also read a lot lately about how the scariest decisions/adventures in life can be the most rewarding ones. I had a few scares regarding whether I would be peaceful or not, but when that email finally came, I read it with very little emotion. When I finished reading it, a peace washed over me like I never saw coming. I was not scared and I was not anxious, I just knew; I knew that God has just opened the door that I was going through.
He has since revealed to me that all of my efforts to force my way to NYC had simply been me trying to push my own will/plan onto Him and that I needed to be patient and let Him work. When I say I was forcing it, I mean I was really forcing it. I was turning to every resource (humans, schools, websites, etc) that I could to help me make my way to NYC. This is NOT how He intends it to be. Had I stopped to check with Him more, I would have experienced a lot less stress and frustration.
The two most trying times of patience in this process were right before I found out that I did receive the Fulbright and the time between the final skype interview and today, when I still do not know where I am going in Italy. During these times I have learned to pray for God's will. I pray daily that He will help me to remain patient and remember that His timing is perfect and He MUST have a reason for the delay. He is preparing my way...He has gone before me and He will come with me to Italy.
-Now may the God of peace- who brought you up from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great Shepard of the sheep, and ratified an eternal covenant with his blood- may he equip you with all you need for doing his will. May he produce in you, through the power of Jesus Christ, every good thing that is pleasing to him. Hebrews 13:20-21
When I worry about not being prepared for understanding/speaking the language, when I worry about never having taught English, and when I worry about my lack of experience with teenagers/high schoolers, I have faith in the fact that He equips the called. Even in that respect I must have patience because I cannot currently see how He is equipping me/how He has equipped me already in all of these areas. I'm not saying that I will not get there and have some struggles in these areas, but what I am saying is that I have faith that the Lord will be walking with me through it all.
I am such a planner that I am struggling with them letting the weeks fly by between me finding out and telling me where I will be. I often feel as though they are wasting my weeks of planning and not giving me adequate time to do things. I have to keep reminding myself that God's will and timing are perfect. He is never early and He is never late.
-And the Scriptures give us hope and encouragement as we wait patiently for God's promises to be fulfilled. Romans 15:4
-And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Romans 8:28
Another thing I am learning is that every time fear of the unknown (in general, but primarily Italy) strikes me, I have to stop and pray that God will grant me peace and that He has a purpose in this trip. I pray that He will use me for His glory and that I will find good Christian friends while I am there. I pray that I will be a light for Him in this foreign country. I want this trip to be used for His glory.
-For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
He granted me this amazing opportunity to live out dreams, and I want to repay Him with giving it to Him for his plan/will/purpose.
This HUGE lesson in patience will carry throughout my life.
-Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city. Proverbs 16:32
I now see that if I just wait on the Lord, He will show me the right path and I will have peace about it. The lesson in patience is carrying over to other areas of my life as well, though I still have work to do. I am learning to be patient with friends, family, and other things in life. It is important because the Bible tells us that patience is a fruit of the spirit and I want my life to be reflective of that fruit, NOT a reflection of sinful nature (Galatians 5:13-26). The Bible tells us that patience is part of love, true love, and that love for our "neighbors" is the second most important commandment (Jesus said so himself in Matthew 22:36-40), AND we cannot have true love without patience (1 Corinthians 13).
-But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things. Galatians 5:22
Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?”
37 Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] 40 The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:36-40
If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;[a] but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.
4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
8 Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages[b] and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! 1 Corinthians 13:1-8
-Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Colossians 3:12
The final verse I will include in this post is my goal in life and is also true of my life already. God HAS transformed me into a new person by changing the way I think. I am NOT the person I was 2 years ago and God has made that possible. My next post will be more about this.
-Do not copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:2
**I know that this blog is about my Italian adventures and my upcoming move to Italy, but this is a HUGE part of the process. My faith will continue to be a focus in this blog because, "questa e` la mia vita" and God has transformed my life.**
Lately, I have found myself saying something over and over again in conversations regarding the Fulbright process, "it is like God has been trying to teach me patience for years and He saw I was not getting it so He said, 'ok, Elyse....BAM (smacking myself on the forehead...or pretending to do it to someone else)...you WILL learn it this time. So, here it is, the BIGGEST test of patience and I hope you get it this time!!'" Well, I think I have, or at least I am actually allowing myself to learn it this time. I am hoping that this is a lesson that falls under the category of "better late than never"! I think it is, because I can already see how learning this is improving my faith, my trust in the Lord, and my ability to let go and let God.
So, I never truly understood just how much my impatience could get in the way of God's will (not that His will can be thwarted, but I can definitely try with my impatience). We always hear that His will, His timing, and His plan, are all perfect and I believed this, but did I always trust it? Unfortunately, the answer is no. Now, this is not something I said, but it was something that was clearly reflected by my actions while I was telling myself that I did trust it. I am a planner and I am a doer. I have a hard time sitting back and letting anyone have control of something in my life. However, the Fulbright application and waiting process has taught me to let go.
-We may throw the dice, but the Lord determines how they fall. Proverbs 16:33
A summary of this entire process: The Fulbright process started back in September 2011 when Dr. Maria Hernandez-Reif suggested that I apply because I want to travel and specifically to Italy (thus, I threw the dice and put my hat in the ring). I had to wait (impatiently) to meet with the campus representative and then complete the application process in just 2-3 short weeks; a process that most applicants spend months working on. I had essays to write, etc. Once the application was in I had an on-campus interview on October 11, 2011. After this interview, it would be as early as January when I would hear whether or not my application had been pushed to the next level. I walked away that day feeling good about the interview and I let it go (for once in my life). One morning while I was in Charleston towards the end of January 2012 I received an email saying that I had indeed made it to the next round and now it would be sometime before May 12th (ish) before I would know if I had actually received the scholarship or not. As the weeks and months went on, I began to grow somewhat impatient (ok, I was becoming pretty impatient) and awoke every morning with EAGER anticipation of an email. Once I received that email on April 23rd and then had my skype interview on May 4th, the waiting process began again. They said it would be ONE WEEK until I found out my location. Three weeks and a hard battle with patience later, I found patience, but did email them out of concern that I had been missed/forgotten/something (but truly had given into patience and thus the email was sent a week later than it would have been). They said it would be early June, and I sit here writing this on June 10th with little anticipation that it will actually be early June when I hear. However, I am feeling patient. I am in no hurry to rush them because clearly God has a plan and a purpose in my waiting.
In the midst of the Fulbright process: So, all the while (prior to April 23, 2012) I have been stuck in limbo of will I get it or will I not. I went through quite a few weeks and months of what do I do after graduation? Where do I get a job? I interviewed in NYC, I searched for jobs locally, in Nashville, NYC, etc. I hit brick walls everywhere I turned and never felt a sense of peace about any of these options. NYC is next to impossible at the moment (without more school and work in places I do not care to be). I was so confused and lost and unsure of what God was doing with my life. Along the way He helped me find purpose in certain areas of my life by allowing me to assist a friend with her dissertation and I had a nannying job that conveniently lasted from right after I returned from Charleston until just a few weeks after I would find out that I did receive the scholarship.
-Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do and he will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:6
All the while I had been praying for God's guidance and leadership and that I would go wherever He wanted me to go. I had to pray A LOT about how I would go even if it was not MY first choice. I was reluctant to stay in Birmingham or go to Nashville because my heart was (and still is somewhat) set on NYC. I began praying that God would just make His plan known to me through the opening and shutting of doors. I am a terrible decision maker and I prayed that God would just SLAM every wrong door in my face and open the right one in His time, and that He would provide me with His peace that surpasses all understanding. All the while I was also praying that He would give me patience in the waiting process because He must have a reason for the long process.
I knew that He must have a reason for me being in Birmingham with my mom and dad, with the ability to travel to Tuscaloosa. During this time I was also fortunate enough to hear some good sermons and read some thing regarding timing in life and about being exactly where we are for a reason (see story of Esther and Mordecai in the book of Esther...particularly focusing on Esther 4:14). Thankfully, God has had the mercy to show me how my life has purpose right where I am. He has shown me that only I can have purpose and influence in the situations that I am involved in right now.
-We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. Colossians 1:11
WEEELLLLL....all of the above was true. I actively searched for jobs and continued to pray about open and closed doors and you know what, He closed ALL the other doors (and allowed me to NEVER feel rejection/anger/pain from those closed doors) and he OPENED the door He wanted me to go through. I had also been praying that if Italy was the door that He would provide me EXTRA peace/strength/courage because this would be the SCARIEST of all the options (in my opinion at least). I've also read a lot lately about how the scariest decisions/adventures in life can be the most rewarding ones. I had a few scares regarding whether I would be peaceful or not, but when that email finally came, I read it with very little emotion. When I finished reading it, a peace washed over me like I never saw coming. I was not scared and I was not anxious, I just knew; I knew that God has just opened the door that I was going through.
He has since revealed to me that all of my efforts to force my way to NYC had simply been me trying to push my own will/plan onto Him and that I needed to be patient and let Him work. When I say I was forcing it, I mean I was really forcing it. I was turning to every resource (humans, schools, websites, etc) that I could to help me make my way to NYC. This is NOT how He intends it to be. Had I stopped to check with Him more, I would have experienced a lot less stress and frustration.
The two most trying times of patience in this process were right before I found out that I did receive the Fulbright and the time between the final skype interview and today, when I still do not know where I am going in Italy. During these times I have learned to pray for God's will. I pray daily that He will help me to remain patient and remember that His timing is perfect and He MUST have a reason for the delay. He is preparing my way...He has gone before me and He will come with me to Italy.
-Now may the God of peace- who brought you up from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great Shepard of the sheep, and ratified an eternal covenant with his blood- may he equip you with all you need for doing his will. May he produce in you, through the power of Jesus Christ, every good thing that is pleasing to him. Hebrews 13:20-21
When I worry about not being prepared for understanding/speaking the language, when I worry about never having taught English, and when I worry about my lack of experience with teenagers/high schoolers, I have faith in the fact that He equips the called. Even in that respect I must have patience because I cannot currently see how He is equipping me/how He has equipped me already in all of these areas. I'm not saying that I will not get there and have some struggles in these areas, but what I am saying is that I have faith that the Lord will be walking with me through it all.
I am such a planner that I am struggling with them letting the weeks fly by between me finding out and telling me where I will be. I often feel as though they are wasting my weeks of planning and not giving me adequate time to do things. I have to keep reminding myself that God's will and timing are perfect. He is never early and He is never late.
-And the Scriptures give us hope and encouragement as we wait patiently for God's promises to be fulfilled. Romans 15:4
-And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Romans 8:28
Another thing I am learning is that every time fear of the unknown (in general, but primarily Italy) strikes me, I have to stop and pray that God will grant me peace and that He has a purpose in this trip. I pray that He will use me for His glory and that I will find good Christian friends while I am there. I pray that I will be a light for Him in this foreign country. I want this trip to be used for His glory.
-For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
He granted me this amazing opportunity to live out dreams, and I want to repay Him with giving it to Him for his plan/will/purpose.
This HUGE lesson in patience will carry throughout my life.
-Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city. Proverbs 16:32
I now see that if I just wait on the Lord, He will show me the right path and I will have peace about it. The lesson in patience is carrying over to other areas of my life as well, though I still have work to do. I am learning to be patient with friends, family, and other things in life. It is important because the Bible tells us that patience is a fruit of the spirit and I want my life to be reflective of that fruit, NOT a reflection of sinful nature (Galatians 5:13-26). The Bible tells us that patience is part of love, true love, and that love for our "neighbors" is the second most important commandment (Jesus said so himself in Matthew 22:36-40), AND we cannot have true love without patience (1 Corinthians 13).
-But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things. Galatians 5:22
Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?”
37 Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] 40 The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:36-40
If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;[a] but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.
4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
8 Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages[b] and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! 1 Corinthians 13:1-8
-Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Colossians 3:12
The final verse I will include in this post is my goal in life and is also true of my life already. God HAS transformed me into a new person by changing the way I think. I am NOT the person I was 2 years ago and God has made that possible. My next post will be more about this.
-Do not copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:2
**I know that this blog is about my Italian adventures and my upcoming move to Italy, but this is a HUGE part of the process. My faith will continue to be a focus in this blog because, "questa e` la mia vita" and God has transformed my life.**
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)