My blog (Questa e la mia vita) is intended to record my life in Italy (in Nov. 2011 and as Fulbright Student 2012-2013). This blog is not an official Department of State website and the views and information presented are my own and do not represent the Fulbright Program or the Department of State.
Hopefully this satisfies this requirement?!? :)
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Dare to dream...
"Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true."
I dared to dream a little dream....a dream I've been holding on to for years! I've always wanted to live abroad and Italy was at the top of my list. My friend Neal and I have been discussing this for years!! He always encouraged me to just up and do it! Well, that was not me...I do not just "up and do" anything!! However, I continued to dream! What I learned though was that I was not ready yet! I had so much to do: NYC, grad school, all of the amazing things in grad school AND the not so amazing things, I had to meet the people I've met, be broken down to nothing and restored/healed, travel to Italy in November, have time in Birmingham/Tuscaloosa, etc. NOW...now, the dream I dared to dream is coming true! My heart is racing and I want to cry (and have many times), but God is too generous! He has gifted me this amazing opportunity and there is nothing I could have done to force this opportunity...He has opened all the doors of opportunity and made it a reality!
-He allowed me to meet the right people at the right time...Dr. Hernandez-Reif (Maria) suggested it
-He gave me peace, clarity, the right words, etc. through the application and interview process
-He opened doors AND shut/slammed doors along the way so that when this door opened I had no doubts
-He has taught me patience throughout the waiting process of this amazing opportunity
-He will continue to open doors because He has gone before me and He will go with me!
This is such a blessing and while I know there will be scary times and lonely times, I KNOW THAT I KNOW He is with me and I take with me (in spirit, email, facebook, hand written letters hopefully, skype, blogs, etc) all of my amazing family/friends....my beautiful support system!
I feel so blessed to have had so many dreams in life come true! I hope that everyone reading this understands that dreams CAN AND DO come true...and the cheesy phrase about the scariest opportunities being the greatest...well, I hope that is true!!
More details to come as I figure them out, but I did get my official information today! So here I go...I'm diving in! It is getting more real!! :)
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true."
I dared to dream a little dream....a dream I've been holding on to for years! I've always wanted to live abroad and Italy was at the top of my list. My friend Neal and I have been discussing this for years!! He always encouraged me to just up and do it! Well, that was not me...I do not just "up and do" anything!! However, I continued to dream! What I learned though was that I was not ready yet! I had so much to do: NYC, grad school, all of the amazing things in grad school AND the not so amazing things, I had to meet the people I've met, be broken down to nothing and restored/healed, travel to Italy in November, have time in Birmingham/Tuscaloosa, etc. NOW...now, the dream I dared to dream is coming true! My heart is racing and I want to cry (and have many times), but God is too generous! He has gifted me this amazing opportunity and there is nothing I could have done to force this opportunity...He has opened all the doors of opportunity and made it a reality!
-He allowed me to meet the right people at the right time...Dr. Hernandez-Reif (Maria) suggested it
-He gave me peace, clarity, the right words, etc. through the application and interview process
-He opened doors AND shut/slammed doors along the way so that when this door opened I had no doubts
-He has taught me patience throughout the waiting process of this amazing opportunity
-He will continue to open doors because He has gone before me and He will go with me!
This is such a blessing and while I know there will be scary times and lonely times, I KNOW THAT I KNOW He is with me and I take with me (in spirit, email, facebook, hand written letters hopefully, skype, blogs, etc) all of my amazing family/friends....my beautiful support system!
I feel so blessed to have had so many dreams in life come true! I hope that everyone reading this understands that dreams CAN AND DO come true...and the cheesy phrase about the scariest opportunities being the greatest...well, I hope that is true!!
More details to come as I figure them out, but I did get my official information today! So here I go...I'm diving in! It is getting more real!! :)
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
It's not real...
YET.
Tonight as I talked to a good friend on the phone about visiting Tuscaloosa, I realized why I am having such trouble with the idea of leaving: I have not received any official information other than the city I will be living in and the two schools I will be working at during my 9 months in Italy. I do not know how/when I can book a flight, what my choices are of living situations, what exactly it is I will be doing, who I will be doing it with, will I be able to do the preschool involvement stuff that I proposed? How will they pay me? When/how do I get my visa? etc. etc.
So what does this all mean? Well, I have learned (a continuous process though) to be patient. I know that there is a reason that this is taking so long and in the meantime I am doing the things I can do and also learning to be patient. However, in the waiting, I do not know anything about where I am going...not really (and p.s. travel books have little to NO information about Cosenza or the area of Calabria in general). Therefore, the only thing that IS real, is that I am leaving. I think this is why it is weighing so heavily on me (not that it won't as the time draws closer anyway). For now, the only real thing is saying goodbye and spending as much time with the people I love as possible.
I do know that it will become real...maybe too real...and this will upset me as well. It does seem like a no win situation when it comes to being sad about leaving, but for now, it is hard for the ONLY reality to be the leaving.
This same friend said something that made me feel so good, and I do not even know if she realizes it; she said, "we'll all still be here when you get back!!" I know this...I hope that all of the people I love will still be here and still love me when I get back! It seems silly for this to be a concern, but again, right now the only reality is that I am leaving people...so far, nothing is real about where I am going.
Tonight as I talked to a good friend on the phone about visiting Tuscaloosa, I realized why I am having such trouble with the idea of leaving: I have not received any official information other than the city I will be living in and the two schools I will be working at during my 9 months in Italy. I do not know how/when I can book a flight, what my choices are of living situations, what exactly it is I will be doing, who I will be doing it with, will I be able to do the preschool involvement stuff that I proposed? How will they pay me? When/how do I get my visa? etc. etc.
So what does this all mean? Well, I have learned (a continuous process though) to be patient. I know that there is a reason that this is taking so long and in the meantime I am doing the things I can do and also learning to be patient. However, in the waiting, I do not know anything about where I am going...not really (and p.s. travel books have little to NO information about Cosenza or the area of Calabria in general). Therefore, the only thing that IS real, is that I am leaving. I think this is why it is weighing so heavily on me (not that it won't as the time draws closer anyway). For now, the only real thing is saying goodbye and spending as much time with the people I love as possible.
I do know that it will become real...maybe too real...and this will upset me as well. It does seem like a no win situation when it comes to being sad about leaving, but for now, it is hard for the ONLY reality to be the leaving.
This same friend said something that made me feel so good, and I do not even know if she realizes it; she said, "we'll all still be here when you get back!!" I know this...I hope that all of the people I love will still be here and still love me when I get back! It seems silly for this to be a concern, but again, right now the only reality is that I am leaving people...so far, nothing is real about where I am going.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Prayers
This trip to Italy is a direct result of months worth of prayer. I prayed that as I searched for a job and/or a location that God would open and close doors as he saw fit. I prayed that if I was supposed to receive the honor of the Fulbright Scholarship that He would slam all other doors/locations in my face, and He did. The New York City door slammed so hard I cried a few times and was on the verge of breaking down. Then, I prayed that if I was supposed to stay in Birmingham, that I would become accepting of this (because Birmingham is NOT my city...New York is MYYY city). As I continued to apply to jobs I searched in NYC, Birmingham, Tuscaloosa, Charleston, Nashville, and a few other places. My heart never felt at peace with any of these options. I had a few doors open just enough for me to put one foot through them, and then they would slam on my toes, but every time it did the pain was immediately stripped away and replaced by a sense of peace that definitely surpassed all of my understanding.
On April 23rd, the reasoning for all of this was revealed. Italy, and the Fulbright Scholarship, were indeed the door that was meant to open. For the first time in my life I had learned to let go and truly let God open and close doors as He wanted to, and I had to try not to force my way through, which I so often try to do (I am type-A...I just can't help myself sometimes). I have harbored a desire for many, many years to travel and see Europe and live abroad and do it with a sense of security and some sort of job. I had friends always trying to convince me to just up and do it...to spend all of my savings and just hop a plane and say, "to heck with the rest of my life and school and savings and security!" Now, this is not me! Only now, that I have truly given my life over to God and allowed Him to be in control am I seeing how this is a possibility.
Just today I read a blog about being careful what you ask for and that in the end we can ask for our hearts desire and God always knows what is best for us. If He grants us our hearts desire it means a few things:
1. He already had it in His plan/desire/will
2. Our wants/desires/needs are now aligning with His plan/desire/will for our lives
How lucky am I that God is allowing this opportunity?!?!? Will every day of these 9 months be a walk in the park? Will I have a cushiony job/living situation/money situation/social life or easy access to a group of fellow believers?!?!? I honestly do not know; what I DO know is that every step of the way He will be with me and He will use this trip for my good, His will and glory, and I will come out of this experience a stronger, more healed, more faithful believer than before.
However, I will not pretend that I am not already having fears and anxieties (which I struggle with daily and give them to the Lord because I cannot ease them). I pray for many things and now, I am going to ask that anyone reading this will join me in these prayers. Just as it was in November, I will be praying daily(hourly) for many things and I just want to ask that anyone who will, join me (and of course, feel free to share your own needed prayers and I will be happy to pray for you!!). It is a long list, but please understand that it is just a list of all the things I am concerned about/having anxiety about/might need/do need, etc.
Prayer List:
1. That I will continue to practice patience in waiting. Waiting for information; waiting for the ability to plan things (flight, visa, housing, community involvement, etc).
2. That I will be able to accomplish ALL of the things on my preparation to-do list.
3. Absorption of knowledge: the Italian language (which I spend multiple hours a day studying), Italian history, information about adolescents, American history/culture/politics (bleh), etc.
4. That I will find the strength to say goodbye (well, see you later...not soon really, but later). This feels as though it is going to kill me.
5. That my remaining weeks here in the U.S. will go by slowly and be filled with joy, love, happiness, fun, etc.
6. That I will be able to say goodbye to my dog...this seems so silly, but it breaks my heart to know that he will not understand where I have gone and why I left him!
7. That I will have a safe flight to Italy (God was so good last time and gave me COMPLETE peace during the long flight and I KNOW it was due to my prayers and all of the people praying for me during that time!).
8. That upon my arrival I will find my way safely to Cosenza.
9. That I will find myself able to speak Italian with the locals and not stress about not being perfect in the language
10. That God will open doors for amazing opportunities (Reggio Emilia, etc); for opportunities that will prepare me for the future after Italy!
11. That God will open doors for finding a group of Christian friends to spend time with
12. That loneliness will NOT be something that plagues me daily
13. That I will find daily opportunities to share my faith and strengthen my faith
14. That the pain of missing my family/friends/animals will be eased.
15. That internet will be readily available (seems silly, but it is so important to me)
16. That communication with my family/friends comes easily
17. That my momma and daddy are comforted in my absence
18. That God will use me, my blog, my experiences, and my faith to reach others
19. That I will remember that God has gone before me and He will go with me.
20. I know my needs will be taken care of (from the BIG things, to the small, seemingly insignificant things), but my prayer is that I will be patient in the waiting; that I will remember that I am not alone and that through any "suffering/pain/happiness/joy/difficulties" in my life, God will sustain me and use it for His glory!
21. I tend to be an anxious person...I am praying that God will ease the anxiety and that He will comfort me minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day, and even month to month!
22. My momma
23. My daddy
24. That I will not find distance between me and the people that I cherish the most; I pray that this experience will only draw us closer and help us find other ways to connect. I am a "quality time" (plug for "The Five Languages of Love") person and the thought of not being able to readily spend time with/text/talk on the phone with the people I love the most is SCARY!!
I do not necessarily need to know who reads this and who is praying, but I do need everyone to know that I appreciate your prayers; I appreciate prayers for the smallest things. I know that this is where God has lead me, but it still comes with humanly fears/anxieties.
On April 23rd, the reasoning for all of this was revealed. Italy, and the Fulbright Scholarship, were indeed the door that was meant to open. For the first time in my life I had learned to let go and truly let God open and close doors as He wanted to, and I had to try not to force my way through, which I so often try to do (I am type-A...I just can't help myself sometimes). I have harbored a desire for many, many years to travel and see Europe and live abroad and do it with a sense of security and some sort of job. I had friends always trying to convince me to just up and do it...to spend all of my savings and just hop a plane and say, "to heck with the rest of my life and school and savings and security!" Now, this is not me! Only now, that I have truly given my life over to God and allowed Him to be in control am I seeing how this is a possibility.
Just today I read a blog about being careful what you ask for and that in the end we can ask for our hearts desire and God always knows what is best for us. If He grants us our hearts desire it means a few things:
1. He already had it in His plan/desire/will
2. Our wants/desires/needs are now aligning with His plan/desire/will for our lives
How lucky am I that God is allowing this opportunity?!?!? Will every day of these 9 months be a walk in the park? Will I have a cushiony job/living situation/money situation/social life or easy access to a group of fellow believers?!?!? I honestly do not know; what I DO know is that every step of the way He will be with me and He will use this trip for my good, His will and glory, and I will come out of this experience a stronger, more healed, more faithful believer than before.
However, I will not pretend that I am not already having fears and anxieties (which I struggle with daily and give them to the Lord because I cannot ease them). I pray for many things and now, I am going to ask that anyone reading this will join me in these prayers. Just as it was in November, I will be praying daily(hourly) for many things and I just want to ask that anyone who will, join me (and of course, feel free to share your own needed prayers and I will be happy to pray for you!!). It is a long list, but please understand that it is just a list of all the things I am concerned about/having anxiety about/might need/do need, etc.
Prayer List:
1. That I will continue to practice patience in waiting. Waiting for information; waiting for the ability to plan things (flight, visa, housing, community involvement, etc).
2. That I will be able to accomplish ALL of the things on my preparation to-do list.
3. Absorption of knowledge: the Italian language (which I spend multiple hours a day studying), Italian history, information about adolescents, American history/culture/politics (bleh), etc.
4. That I will find the strength to say goodbye (well, see you later...not soon really, but later). This feels as though it is going to kill me.
5. That my remaining weeks here in the U.S. will go by slowly and be filled with joy, love, happiness, fun, etc.
6. That I will be able to say goodbye to my dog...this seems so silly, but it breaks my heart to know that he will not understand where I have gone and why I left him!
7. That I will have a safe flight to Italy (God was so good last time and gave me COMPLETE peace during the long flight and I KNOW it was due to my prayers and all of the people praying for me during that time!).
8. That upon my arrival I will find my way safely to Cosenza.
9. That I will find myself able to speak Italian with the locals and not stress about not being perfect in the language
10. That God will open doors for amazing opportunities (Reggio Emilia, etc); for opportunities that will prepare me for the future after Italy!
11. That God will open doors for finding a group of Christian friends to spend time with
12. That loneliness will NOT be something that plagues me daily
13. That I will find daily opportunities to share my faith and strengthen my faith
14. That the pain of missing my family/friends/animals will be eased.
15. That internet will be readily available (seems silly, but it is so important to me)
16. That communication with my family/friends comes easily
17. That my momma and daddy are comforted in my absence
18. That God will use me, my blog, my experiences, and my faith to reach others
19. That I will remember that God has gone before me and He will go with me.
20. I know my needs will be taken care of (from the BIG things, to the small, seemingly insignificant things), but my prayer is that I will be patient in the waiting; that I will remember that I am not alone and that through any "suffering/pain/happiness/joy/difficulties" in my life, God will sustain me and use it for His glory!
21. I tend to be an anxious person...I am praying that God will ease the anxiety and that He will comfort me minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day, and even month to month!
22. My momma
23. My daddy
24. That I will not find distance between me and the people that I cherish the most; I pray that this experience will only draw us closer and help us find other ways to connect. I am a "quality time" (plug for "The Five Languages of Love") person and the thought of not being able to readily spend time with/text/talk on the phone with the people I love the most is SCARY!!
I do not necessarily need to know who reads this and who is praying, but I do need everyone to know that I appreciate your prayers; I appreciate prayers for the smallest things. I know that this is where God has lead me, but it still comes with humanly fears/anxieties.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
1 year
One year from now I will be finished with my Fulbright experience. Well, I will be finished with actually living in ,because from what I understand you can stay involved with Fulbright stuff for many years to come. Anyway, that is not the point. My Fulbright Program ends on June 30, 2013. I know that this is a weird thing to think about, but I think of these things; those that know me well, know that dates stick in my mind (sometimes not a good thing...). So this leaves me wondering a few things:
1. Who will I be one year from now?
2. How will I have changed (hopefully all for the better)?
3. Will I walk away feeling as though this was the most amazing experience ever?
4. How will God have worked in my life?
5. How will He have worked in the lives of the people I met/interacted with?
6. How will He have worked in the lives of my friends and family and others who read my blog?
7. What will I do next (not thinking about this one too much because I am trying to just live in the moment and cherish the direction/gift God has given me)?
8. Will I return to the U.S. and move to NYC?
9. Will I get one of the things my heart most desires...to live in the same city/veeeeerrry close to my best friend, Erin???
10. Will my friends have forgotten me?
11. Who will be here waiting on my when I return?
12. Will all of the people I love and cherish still be a part of my life the way I long for them to be (i.e. my Tuscaloosa loves, my NYC loves, etc)???
13. Will Alabama have another National Championship by the time I return? (admit it, you are wondering too!!!)
14. Will I have a clearer sense of what it is I am doing with my education/passions/desires/dreams?
15. Will my friends still love and miss me, or will they have grown so accustomed to me being away that it will not matter?
16. Will I have gotten to visit/experience Reggio Emilia or an Italian Montessori school?
17. Will I be longing for more adventure or will I want to stay closer to home?
18. How will it feel to return home/to the U.S.??
19. How will the people I left here in the U.S. have changed??
20. Will all of my friends still love me and accept whoever I have become/how I may have changed, and will they recognize that I love them more than anything, no matter how long I have been gone?
Now, I just played an emotional game of 20 questions. The good news is that God has gone before me and He will go with me. These are not things I am getting all worked up about; just things I have thought about. I do know that things change, people change, and inevitably, change is part of life. Thankfully, I have a faithful and loving Father who gives me hope and peace.
The other good news is that when I love, I love deeply and I do not let go easily! So, while others may struggle with maintaining contact, I am NOT letting go until it has been proven to me that I must. Thanks to the truest friend I have ever had, I have learned a lot about what it means to love another person (in the ways that the Bible says we should love...1 Corin, etc) and what true friendship looks and feels like. Therefore, I have confidence that I can maintain relationships with those that are closest to my heart.
God has a plan, and I do not always know what it is (okay, I dont know most of the time). What I do know is that He has revealed to me that the next step in this plan is 9 months in Italy. So, whatever happens and whoever I become, I pray that I have followed His will the entire time, and that I have become who He wants me to be and have done the things He wants me to have done.
**Disclaimer: I have no questions about whether my parents will love me during this time and upon my return! I am also 1000000% confident that I will maintain contact with them. I just did not want anyone to think that I am not thinking of them!!**
1. Who will I be one year from now?
2. How will I have changed (hopefully all for the better)?
3. Will I walk away feeling as though this was the most amazing experience ever?
4. How will God have worked in my life?
5. How will He have worked in the lives of the people I met/interacted with?
6. How will He have worked in the lives of my friends and family and others who read my blog?
7. What will I do next (not thinking about this one too much because I am trying to just live in the moment and cherish the direction/gift God has given me)?
8. Will I return to the U.S. and move to NYC?
9. Will I get one of the things my heart most desires...to live in the same city/veeeeerrry close to my best friend, Erin???
10. Will my friends have forgotten me?
11. Who will be here waiting on my when I return?
12. Will all of the people I love and cherish still be a part of my life the way I long for them to be (i.e. my Tuscaloosa loves, my NYC loves, etc)???
13. Will Alabama have another National Championship by the time I return? (admit it, you are wondering too!!!)
14. Will I have a clearer sense of what it is I am doing with my education/passions/desires/dreams?
15. Will my friends still love and miss me, or will they have grown so accustomed to me being away that it will not matter?
16. Will I have gotten to visit/experience Reggio Emilia or an Italian Montessori school?
17. Will I be longing for more adventure or will I want to stay closer to home?
18. How will it feel to return home/to the U.S.??
19. How will the people I left here in the U.S. have changed??
20. Will all of my friends still love me and accept whoever I have become/how I may have changed, and will they recognize that I love them more than anything, no matter how long I have been gone?
Now, I just played an emotional game of 20 questions. The good news is that God has gone before me and He will go with me. These are not things I am getting all worked up about; just things I have thought about. I do know that things change, people change, and inevitably, change is part of life. Thankfully, I have a faithful and loving Father who gives me hope and peace.
The other good news is that when I love, I love deeply and I do not let go easily! So, while others may struggle with maintaining contact, I am NOT letting go until it has been proven to me that I must. Thanks to the truest friend I have ever had, I have learned a lot about what it means to love another person (in the ways that the Bible says we should love...1 Corin, etc) and what true friendship looks and feels like. Therefore, I have confidence that I can maintain relationships with those that are closest to my heart.
God has a plan, and I do not always know what it is (okay, I dont know most of the time). What I do know is that He has revealed to me that the next step in this plan is 9 months in Italy. So, whatever happens and whoever I become, I pray that I have followed His will the entire time, and that I have become who He wants me to be and have done the things He wants me to have done.
**Disclaimer: I have no questions about whether my parents will love me during this time and upon my return! I am also 1000000% confident that I will maintain contact with them. I just did not want anyone to think that I am not thinking of them!!**
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