It's not real...

YET.

Tonight as I talked to a good friend on the phone about visiting Tuscaloosa, I realized why I am having such trouble with the idea of leaving: I have not received any official information other than the city I will be living in and the two schools I will be working at during my 9 months in Italy.  I do not know how/when I can book a flight, what my choices are of living situations, what exactly it is I will be doing, who I will be doing it with, will I be able to do the preschool involvement stuff that I proposed? How will they pay me?  When/how do I get my visa? etc. etc.

So what does this all mean?  Well, I have learned (a continuous process though) to be patient.  I know that there is a reason that this is taking so long and in the meantime I am doing the things I can do and also learning to be patient.  However, in the waiting, I do not know anything about where I am going...not really (and p.s. travel books have little to NO information about Cosenza or the area of Calabria in general).  Therefore, the only thing that IS  real, is that I am leaving.  I think this is why it is weighing so heavily on me (not that it won't as the time draws closer anyway).  For now, the only real thing is saying goodbye and spending as much time with the people I love as possible. 

I do know that it will become real...maybe too real...and this will upset me as well.  It does seem like a no win situation when it comes to being sad about leaving, but for now, it is hard for the ONLY reality to be the leaving.

This same friend said something that made me feel so good, and I do not even know if she realizes it; she said, "we'll all still be here when you get back!!"  I know this...I hope that all of the people I love will still be here and still love me when I get back!  It seems silly for this to be a concern, but again, right now the only reality is that I am leaving people...so far, nothing is real about where I am going.