The "P" word(s)...

Perfect/Perfection/Preparation/Paid/Pictures/Peace

If you know me at all, you know that I am a type-A (sometimes to my own detriment) personality who tends to overachieve (or at least always attempts to).  I try to always be 100% prepared and on top of things, often pushing myself to my breaking point trying to achieve perfection.  I am fully aware that true perfection is not something I can ever achieve because I believe that there has only ever been One perfect human; Jesus.  However, this has rarely stopped me from striving for perfection in everything that I do; school, dance (Rockettes), relationships, and really life in general I suppose.  The trouble with this is that it also tends to drive me to my breaking point, and many times I feel as if I have broken (speak with the people who have had to literally pick me up off the floor while I am drowning myself in tears and self-loathing for not be perfect).

So what does this have to do with my preparation time for Italy?  Well, to the shock and amazement of myself, and I am assuming others in my life, I have yet to have a major freak-out, breakdown, losing control, crying uncontrollably moment (& we are down to just over ONE week until I leave).  Granted, there have been moments of slight anxiety (last night with some packing stuff), but it has all been relatively minor.  I have had moments of being sad, but the tears and sad feelings do not overwhelm me.  I am feeling some sadness about leaving and not seeing my family, friends, animals, house (familiar), etc. for 9 months, but the reality is that I am being paid to go on the adventure of a lifetime; I am being paid to live out a dream I have held onto for many years.  When I begin to feel sadness I remind myself of all the pictures I see on Facebook of people I know out traveling and living the adventures I want to live, and I remind myself that I am about to do exactly that!  God is so good to not only give me this adventure, and to trust me with it, but to ALSO give me peace about it! 

In preparation for my time in Italy I have been reading others blogs that were Fulbright recipients, other expats in Italy (I do not think I will qualify as a true expat...and I'm okay with that!), other English teachers in Southern Italy, etc., and I have found some of them very insightful and helpful.  I feel as though they have prepared me for some of the emotions I will experience, some of the day-to-day frustrations, but also some of the amazing things I will see/do/experience/talk about/bring home with me.

I am enjoying these blogs:
http://bluesuedescarpe.com/
http://sunshineandtomatoes.blogspot.it/
And a few others.  The first blog has some good entries about expat life and a GREAT entry involving the serenity prayer and how she ties it to life abroad.    http://bluesuedescarpe.com/2011/07/05/128/

I think it is also worthy to note that I am unsure of my living arrangements still, and I am NOT freaking out!  Why is that you may ask.  Well, it is because the teachers (tutors) I will be working with have been sooooo amazingly kind and helpful.  There is one of them in particular who has been so sweet that I already know I will love her!  Big surprise right?  Me loving a teacher.  The other day she sent me an informative email and randomly at the end of the email she said, "Take it easy, your stay here will be great experience for you! tell your Mum we are going to look after you."  She thought of how my mom must be feeling, and to me that said a lot about who she is and how she will "care for me", especially upon arrival.  When I responded to this, and her kindness in general, she informed me that her youngest son is just a year older than me and so she can understand how my mom must be feeling!  There is more I could say about her, but I will control myself from doing so at the moment (for the record they are all good things). God has been busy preparing a way for me and I am already seeing the outcomes!

So, the main point of this blog is that as I am preparing for this paid trip abroad, I am drowning not in tears, fears, or anxiety, but rather, I am drowning in peace.  I know that this trip will not be perfect and that there will be hard days (Maria is good to remind me that no place, experience, person, or day is going to be perfect), but what I do know is that if I continue to focus on the Prince of Peace and allow Him to guide my steps, attitude, outlook, days, etc. etc., it will be a PERFECT trip in ways I could never imagine.

I am leaving you with a gift- peace of mind and heart.  And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give.  So do not be troubled or afraid.  - John 14:27 (NLT)

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. - John 14:27 (NIV)